Page 121 of Until The Lights Go Out

My lips trembled violently.

“And this version too,” he whispered fiercely. “The hurting version. The exhausted version. The version sitting on bathroom floors trying to survive her own head.” His hand cupped my face carefully. “You are not too much for me.”

A sob broke out of my chest. Theo kissed my forehead, holding me tighter when I started crying again. “You never have to hide parts from me,” he whispered against my skin. “I want all of you. Even the hard days. Especially the hard days.”

I stared at him through blurred vision, completely wrecked. Because nobody had ever loved me like that before. Not carefully. Not knowingly. Not while seeing every broken piece and choosing me anyway.

Theo brushed his nose gently against mine, his own voice trembling now.

“You’re it for me, Red.” He swallowed hard. “It’s always been you.”

“It’s always been you too,” I whispered back, then leaned in and let my lips brush his. “I love you, too.”

He kissed me back, deepening the kiss, holding onto me like I might slip away at any moment. “I love you,” he whispered as he kissed me. “I love you.”

Slowly, my fingers tangled in the soft hair at the nape of his neck, and I tried very hard to remember how breathing worked while he kissed me like he had all the time in the world, which felt wildly unfair considering the fact that I was actively melting. The room was dim except for the city lights filtering through the curtains, painting soft gold across his face, making me realize how late it was. It made him look less sharp somehow, less guarded. The usual tension between his brows had eased, replaced by something almost dazed every time he looked at me. Like he couldn’t believe this was real either. His hands were warm against my skin beneath the hoodie, large palms spanning my waist so carefully it made my chest ache. Theo touched me like I was precious, like he was terrified of ruining this.

I had forgotten how beautiful he was when he let himself soften. Not the polished, media version of Theo Bauer. Not the sharp-edged driver everyone feared on track. Just Theo. The boy who used to sneak me hot chocolate packets from the hotel café because he remembered I liked the ones with extra marshmallows, the one who would sit with me through panic attacks and rub circles into my wrist until I could breathe again. Except now he was all broad shoulders and rough hands and a deep voice that settled low in my stomach every time he said my name. His mouth moved slowly along my jaw, warm and lingering, and I tipped my head back instinctively. Theo paused.

“What about the race?” I asked suddenly, awareness crashing into me.

But he only smiled and shook his head. “Fuck the race.”

I fought down a million questions and instead let warmth bloom beneath my ribs that had absolutely nothing to do with attraction. I squeezed my eyes shut, overwhelmed. No one had ever treated my comfort like it mattered just as much as their own wanting. No one had ever shown up for me, not like this. I opened my eyes to find him already watching me. Concerned. Patient. Entirely willing to stop if I asked him to. My heart folded in on itself. I could see him being careful, checking in on me even through heated kisses. His eyes were asking over and over again if I was okay.

“I’m okay,” I whispered honestly. The tension in his shoulders eased slightly at that. Then his forehead dropped briefly against mine like he needed a second to collect himself.

“You have no idea,” he muttered quietly, “how hard it is to go slow with you.”

A laugh escaped me before I could stop it.

“Theo Bauer,” I whispered dramatically, “are you struggling?”

His blue eyes lifted to mine slowly. “Red,” he said, voice rough enough to make my stomach flip, “I’m hanging on by a thread.” Theo’s grip tightened gently at my waist as I shifted into his lap, my knees pressing into the mattress on either side of him now. Every movement pulled me more firmly against him until there was barely space left between us at all. I loved him so much it felt like I might burst. How badly I wanted to stay exactly here forever. My fingers drifted down the front of his chest slowly, tracing over the thin, black compression shirt stretched tightly across him. Muscles shifted beneath my touch, and Theo exhaled hard through his nose.

“Careful,” he warned softly.

“Why?”

His hands slid up my back beneath the fabric of my hoodie again, fingertips dragging lightly against my skin. “Because I’m trying very hard to behave.”

I grinned helplessly against his mouth. “Who asked you to behave?”

Theo made a low sound in the back of his throat that absolutely went straight through me. His head tipped back slightly as I kissed along his jaw this time, and I felt his hands tighten at my waist before relaxing again like he was consciously keeping himself under control. The restraint somehow made everything hotter because I could feel how badly he wanted me.

And still—still he kept checking in. Still, he moved slowly enough for me to stop this at any moment.

“You’re thinking too hard,” I whispered softly against his skin.

A quiet laugh left him.

“Occupational hazard.”

My hands slid upward, fingers hooking lightly beneath the hem of his shirt. “Can I take this off?”

Theo’s eyes snapped back to mine. The look on his face nearly stole every coherent thought from my brain.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “You can.” I pushed the fabric slowly upward, and Theo helped, pulling it over his head before tossing it somewhere across the room without looking. His hands settled carefully against my thighs.