Page 100 of Needed You

I’ve been over it all so many times in my head, but I need to say it all to Dare. I need to let him know so I can move forward and so we can go into this relationship with no secrets.

If he hates me and wants to end it after I tell him, I’ll understand why. I stall for a few more minutes because I want to be sure that this is right and that I can muster up the words.

Then, finally, I squeeze his hand and take a deep shaky breath, staring out at the darkness as I talk. “I wasn’t with him that night,” I say quietly.

Dare squeezes my hand back but says nothing.

I take another deep breath and close my eyes tightly. “I blame myself constantly. I was being stupid that night and was more interested in a hookup than in my friends.”

I feel his grip lighten in my hand, and my heart tumbles. Even though it’s dark, I turn to face him. “The other guys were at the party at Caleb’s house. I stopped by, but . . . I had been talking to this guy. He . . . we . . . it would have been my first real experience, you know?” I go on without pausing. “So I thought that, I, um, I wanted to meet up with him—a stranger—more than I wanted to be there for Nate.” The last words catch in my throat, and I hear Dare suck in a breath.

“Lev,” he whispers.

Tears fill my eyes, and one rolls down my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Dare. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Lev,” he says again. “It’s not your fault that he died.” He lets go of my hand and runs his fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault.” We sit in silence for a few minutes before he says, “Jesus, Lev. It’s not your fucking fault.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Dare.”

A sob leaves my throat, and Dare is on me before I can breathe again. He clumsily tries to crawl over me like he did in my car the other night. It’s awkward because it was unexpected, and I laugh at the same time that I huff out another sob. He settles against me and hugs me tightly, kissing my cheeks and using his lips to clean up the tears falling down my cheeks.

“Lev. Please.” Kiss. Kiss. “It’s not your fault.” Kiss.

I pull him closer to me.

“He chose to drive, Lev. Nate did this to himself. No one is responsible for this but him.” Kiss.

“But if I was at the party, I would have stopped—”

Dare interrupts me. “Stop. Please. Just stop.” His voice has a bit of a desperation to it. “You did not do this. Please, Lev.” He’s holding my face between his palms, thumbs tracing my cheekbones back and forth like little fleshy windshield wipers. He lightly kisses my lips. “He did this, Lev. Not you. Nate did this.”

I don’t know what to say to this amazing, beautiful man. I know how his heart broke and how his life changed. It impacted us all. I can’t help that I feel like I’m responsible, but his brother is sitting here, telling me that I’m okay. That everything that happened was not on me. I’m in awe of his strength and his forgiveness. It’s such a relief to know that he doesn’t blame me.

Nate was an amazing guy. He was special, and now it’s almost like I can feel him channeling the message Dare is telling me. That it’s not anyone’s fault and that I need to stop continually beating myself up over the guilt.

“No one blames you. No one. You have to let that go. Please let that go,” Dare insists. I take in a deep breath as he says, “Lev.”

He levels us so our eyes are lined up, and he stares into mine. The dashboard light casts shadows on his face, making him glow. I could stare at him forever. I want to pull his pain and make it mine, yet here he is, trying to bring me peace and calm through this entire mess.

“You have to let this go,” he repeats.

He releases my face and hugs me tightly for as long as it takes me to calm down. I get a few deep breaths in, and the vise on my heart starts to loosen. He rolls off of me and back into the driver’s seat, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them.

“Tell me you’ll let it go.”

I’m so choked up that I can’t answer him right now, so I just nod.

Dare kisses me lightly and then pulls me in for another hug.

When I find my voice again, I say, “Thank you, Dare.”

We sit in silence for a bit longer before Darian turns on some music. I lean my head back and close my eyes, letting the presence of Darian Archer fill up the cracks that have been breaking my heart for the last eight years. And maybe that’s exactly what I need so everything doesn’t feel so excruciatingly painful anymore.

Chapter 49

Darian

“Ithink I might offer to buy my house,” I announce to Lev.