Page 94 of Fall Into Me

“If it’s too fast, I can slow it down.” Cass seemed to hesitate, and Ash forced himself to look up. Gentle, kind brown eyes met his, and that feeling of comfort came right back with a calm that spread through his chest. Cass gave him a weak smile and continued. “I just see you hurting, and I want to help however I can. I want to remind you that you’re not alone, and I want to make sure you know I’m here in whatever capacity you need me to be. But also, uh . . . I want to help you find joy and happiness. I hope you know that you’re allowed to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”

“I want to be happy,” Ash confessed quietly.

“I know.”

Ash watched, his heart pounding, as Cass slowly lifted one of Ash’s hands to his lips and placed the gentlest of kisses on Ash’s knuckles. The touch sent a surge of warmth through him, and he closed his eyes as the warmth turned to contentment and the overwhelm faded again. Something in his head calmed down, steadied out, quieted.

And Cass’s thumbs began their lazy caress of Ash’s skin once more, brushing softly back and forth.

That helped, too. Much, much more than he expected.

He sighed and dipped his chin, and he found himself wishing that maybe, maybe they could just stay like this, sitting right here like this, together, forever. Because then maybe he could keep feeling this way—not so lost and broken, not drowning alone in the darkness, wondering if he’d ever get to come back up for air.

He squeezed Cass’s hands. “I want to be happy,” he repeated, his voice catching in his throat. Help me. Please.

Cass didn’t say anything, but somehow, he seemed to know exactly what Ash was thinking. Again. He stood slowly and pulled Ash to his feet. Then, with the gentlest touch, he wrapped his arms around Ash in a warm, comforting embrace.

With another shuddering sigh, Ash melted into Cass’s chest, letting his friend’s solid presence give him whatever it was he so desperately needed.

Joe (Friday, November 25, 2022 – 5:59 p.m.): Happy belated Thanksgiving! Hope you and your family had a great day :) Did you cook?

Joe (6:01 p.m.): So, interesting news - my sister just told me she’s moving up to Washington at the end of the school year to take a job in the Bellevue School District

Joe (6:01 p.m.): I might go with her, actually

Joe (6:05 p.m.): Call me whenever you get a chance, I could really use someone to bounce ideas off of

Chapter Thirty-Two

Cass

Cass’s house had always felt like home to him. He’d grown up here, lived here his whole life. Inside the walls, it was safe and comfortable, the space filled with wonderful memories of his childhood and beyond.

He’d never thought it could possibly feel any better.

Yet, as he finished loading the dishwasher with the last of the bowls and spoons they’d used at dinner, the sounds carrying from the living room and from down the hallway seemed to surround him with even more of a sense of wholeness.

Gentle banter between his parents as they put together a puzzle on the coffee table out in the living room.

Squeals of delight from Bri as Ash gave her a bath in the bathroom at the end of the hall.

He turned around and settled back against the counter, listening.

“Da! Da-da-da spwash! Spwash! Da!” Bri laughed, and then Ash did too. Ash said something, though his voice was too muffled to hear, and then Bri started jabbering again, a mix of her nonsense babbling, giddy laughter, and words Cass could mostly understand. “Da-da spwash! No! No, Un-ca! Ah! Da-da-da! Spwash!”

With a grin, he pushed away from the counter, turned out the kitchen light, and peeked into the living room. The scene made his heart happy. His dad’s arm was around his mom’s shoulders, and the older man brushed a kiss on his wife’s temple and then leaned forward and pressed a puzzle piece into one corner of the partly finished puzzle. Cass’s mom hummed and said something Cass couldn’t hear, and then his dad nodded.

“Ah, you’re right, dear. Yep.” He picked up another piece and set it in its place.

Cass’s smile softened. He cleared his throat quietly and said, “Dishes are done.”

His dad glanced up at him and gave a small nod, and his mom turned toward him, her eyes tired but still full of that same joy he’d seen in them earlier. She smiled and lifted her good hand, motioning him over.

He stepped into the living room fully, and when he reached the couch, he knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his.

She seemed to study him for a long moment, and then her smile widened in its beautiful lopsided way. She slowly lifted her hand and touched his cheek. “He’s such a sweet man, Caspian,” she said. “I’m so happy for you.”

Heat flooded his cheeks, and he dipped his chin. “Thank you, ma,” he managed, though his voice broke. He knew he should say more to really thank both of them for welcoming Ash and Bri into their home. But no more words would come.