Page 93 of Fall Into Me

Here.

Him and Cass. Together. About to start something Ash had no idea how to make work or how to control or how to . . . do.

He felt the pull already—some deep, strong desire he’d only ever imagined. And a part of him desperately wanted to just let it happen. To give in to whatever it was his body and mind wanted. It was oh so tempting.

But even as he thought that, he felt himself backing away, suddenly overwhelmed. A heavy weight pressed down on his chest, reminding him of all the reservations he’d had about trying to start a relationship in the first place. The potential pain and grief and heartache, and how he wasn’t sure he could survive it if he let himself feel everything and really care about someone.

Hell, it had only been a little over a week ago that he’d been a complete mess, broken and numb and crying on the floor of his bedroom, unable to take care of himself or his niece.

Was he ready for this? Was it even a good idea to try? Sure, they’d agreed to move slowly; that was the only way this could possibly work, anyway. But also . . . could he even be what Cass wanted him to be? Or would he just be hurting both of them by trying?

He tore his gaze away, sucking in a sharp breath, and forced a smile on his face. “I should probably check on Bri real quick,” he said, hiking a thumb over his shoulder.

“Sure, of course.” Cass gave Ash the softest smile. “Can I come with you, or do you want me to stay here?”

“Um . . .” Ash blinked his eyes closed and dropped his chin. “Stay here, maybe? I’ll just be a minute.”

It felt wrong, almost, his response. Like he was already telling Cass he needed space, even though they’d only spent a little bit of time together. And it wasn’t even that. It wasn’t that he needed space at all.

He was just overwhelmed.

And he didn’t know how to handle things.

He shook his head. “Actually, you can come with me,” he corrected, and he tried harder. He reached out this time; he made the move. His fingers slipped into Cass’s, and the warmth and connection were immediate—just as they had been when Cass had held his hand earlier. And when Cass’s fingers closed around his, softly but confidently, a tingle worked its way up his arm and into his chest. It was comforting. Warm and safe and comforting.

All of that anxiety he’d had sort of faded. It didn’t disappear, but it stopped screaming at him.

He breathed a deep sigh and squeezed Cass’s hand back, and together, they walked down the hallway to the guest bedroom.

As he’d suspected, Bri was still sound asleep in her portable crib, Ollie the Octopus now pulled tight against her chest. Ash stopped about a foot away from the crib, and Cass moved right up next to him. Neither of them said anything, but Ash gave himself permission to stay there for a moment, watching his beautiful niece sleep while trying to get used to the feeling of not being there alone.

That itself was almost overwhelming, too.

A deep shudder rattled through him, and he swallowed back the thought that he shouldn’t even be here right now. Because his niece should still have her mom, which would mean he shouldn’t have even met Cass in the first place, and—

“She’s beautiful and looks so peaceful,” Cass whispered, interrupting the beginning of wherever Ash’s spiral had been going. Soft fingers laced gently through his, shifting the hold of their hands. “Should we let her sleep?”

Wordlessly, Ash nodded, and then he let himself be led back out of the room, down the hallway, and into another room. When he was sitting on some cushy surface, Cass kneeling in front of him, holding both of his hands now, he finally blinked and looked around, registering where they were. One whole side of the room was taken up by a large, dark-wood bookcase, which was filled to the brim with neatly organized books of all shapes and sizes. More bookshelves were mounted on the walls over a dresser, and across from the bed, where he sat, was a small desk covered with textbooks, papers, and an older-looking laptop. It felt inviting and comfortable. Lived in.

“Your room?” he asked quietly, lowering his eyes to Cass.

“Yeah,” Cass said. He squeezed Ash’s hands. “You okay?”

Ash nodded again but didn’t say anything else for a moment. He wasn’t sure what to say or whether there was anything to say. Did he need to explain himself? Did Cass need to know every thought running through his head, no matter how big or small? Was he expected to share all of it, because they were supposed to be in a relationship now? Or something?

Cass’s thumbs began rubbing gently across the back of his hands. It felt so good.

But that only hurt more. How could he be allowed to have this something good, when his sister—

Ash blew out a breath and shook his head, lowering his eyes down to where Cass’s hands clasped his. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

Cass tightened his fingers around Ash’s hands again. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I can’t—I can’t seem to get out of my head, and everything is so confusing,” he admitted.

Cass’s thumbs stopped moving, which was almost painful. “Is all of this too much? Do you want me to stop—”

“No,” Ash cut in, holding Cass’s hands tighter. “No, I don’t want you to stop. You’re being amazing. Really. I just . . . I don’t . . . know.”