Page 87 of Fall Into Me

Ash exhaled with a huff. “Glad you think that.”

“I’m not entirely sure whether she and I were having the same conversation. But she told me a whole lot about, uh, something. She was quite enthusiastic about it.”

“She usually is,” Ash replied, and he let himself slip down onto his side, curling up on the floor. The room had stopped tilting. Maybe.

Cass was silent on the other end of the line for another moment. Then he cleared his throat. “Did I ever tell you that I did some volunteer work at the local library here?” he asked.

“Uh.” Ash frowned. “I don’t think so.”

“Ah, yeah, I don’t think I did. So, after I graduated from Davis and I was home full time to help care for my mom, I volunteered at the library on weekends if my dad wasn’t working. Mostly they had me helping with little projects or checking books in and out. Putting them back on the shelves. Simple things like that. But one Saturday, I remember they held this event for little kids, like Bri’s age through maybe three or four? Younger than kindergarten, for sure.”

“Yeah?” Ash opened his eyes partway. Bri had pulled out a wooden puzzle set with various shapes and numbers and was trying to fit a square into the slot for the number two.

“Yeah. So, I remember there was this one kid, he was maybe two years old. Very quiet little boy. When all the other kids were running around playing a game, he was just sitting there with his older sister, watching everyone. He really, really didn’t seem terribly interested in being there. Until we had all the kids sit down and we read them stories. Then this kid just lit up. He jumped up out of his sister’s arms and raced up to the front of the room and sat down right in the front row. Hung on every word that was read. He laughed and clapped and bounced up and down. It was adorable.”

“That’s precious,” Ash agreed. Bri set down the square puzzle piece, which was obviously not fitting in the cutout for the number two, and picked up a yellow triangle piece. She proceeded to bang it loudly against each of the slots, trying to figure out which one it fit in. Ash closed his eyes again as the sound made his head hurt more.

“It was. And then he and his family came back in the next weekend. Turns out they were new in town, and . . .”

Cass kept talking with no real rhyme or reason, just telling Ash stories. He talked about the library for a little bit longer, and then he transitioned almost seamlessly into a story about one of the first times his dad had taken him skiing up near Mt. Shasta. Apparently, he’d crashed. A lot. And he also happened to remember nearly every time, in an odd amount of detail.

Ash listened, occasionally opening his eyes to watch Bri play with her puzzle. Slowly, the painful buzzing of anxiety in his chest and the throbbing in his head began to fade, at least a little, and Ash almost, almost felt like he could breathe.

Bri fit a number three into the right slot and then clapped for herself.

“Da! Un-ca Ash!”

Ash gave her a weak nod and tilted the phone away from his mouth for a moment. “I see that, baby girl. Great job.”

“Da!” She picked up another piece—this one a star shape—and started again, trying to fit it into the proper cutout slot.

“She’s okay?” Cass asked gently.

Ash closed his eyes. “Yeah. She’s, uh, she’s playing with a puzzle.”

“Ahhh.”

There was a silence for a moment, but there didn’t also seem to be any expectation to fill it. Finally, Ash took a long breath and said, “Uh, you’re not . . . with your mom right now?”

“No, actually,” Cass said with a light laugh. “She’s out in the living room with a friend of hers. I made lunch for them, but I think they’re just chatting. I probably have another hour or so before Anne leaves.”

“Ah. That’s nice, I guess.” Ash grimaced inwardly, hating how awful and uninterested he sounded. He fought the urge to apologize.

“It is. Anne comes over maybe a couple of times a month. They grew up together, and my mom . . .”

Cass started talking again, easily carrying the conversation. It was on purpose; Ash knew exactly what Cass was doing. And he honestly hadn’t expected it to help at all, which was why he’d been avoiding Shaina’s texts and calls and Grant’s texts and even Cass’s texts and calls, too. But lying here, listening to Cass talk, was actually helping. So he didn’t interrupt or hang up or tell Cass he was fine or anything else like that. He just lay there, barely following along with whatever Cass was saying but letting the sound of Cass’s voice soothe him in whatever way it was.

Eventually, he started crying again. He wasn’t even sure why. Bri came over and sat with him, wiping his tears away and kissing his forehead with a loud “Mwah!” every time. And Cass paused the story he’d been telling and just stayed there with him, quiet but present.

“God, I could really use a hug right now,” Ash choked out. Bri immediately wrapped an arm around his neck.

“Un-ca Ash, ugg. Wuv yoo! Mwah!” She kissed his cheek and hugged him tighter, and he laughed through more tears.

“Sounds like she’s got you covered, there,” Cass said softly.

“Yeah,” Ash agreed, and he couldn’t stop himself from adding, “I’m still a mess, though. And . . . and I . . . I’m having a hard time. A really, really hard time.”

“I know,” Cass said, his voice as gentle and kind as ever.