Page 25 of Fall Into Me

Joe gave a small nod as he set his beer back down on the table. He didn’t say anything else, but he held Cass’s gaze for a few long seconds. Cass tried not to compare how he felt now with how he’d felt earlier at the hotel with Ash, because whatever he’d felt then—that tiny flutter in his chest, the warmth of their handshake, that desire to get to know Ash better—had to have been a figment of his imagination. He probably wouldn’t see Ash again, anyway. Joe, on the other hand, lived here in Redding now. He’d be around. So even if those feelings weren’t there now, maybe if they got to know each other . . .

Cass grinned and lifted his drink slightly. “So, Joe, what brought you to Redding? Work?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m actually starting a teaching position at Shasta College after the new year. Well, and I have family nearby.” Joe’s eyes lit up with pride. “My sister lives up in Shasta Lake. She’s a special ed teacher.”

“Ah, that’s wonderful,” Cass said with a soft smile. “My mom was actually a special ed teacher, too.” Matty gave Cass an elbow to the ribs as if to say See! I told you so!, but Cass just kicked Matty’s foot under the table in retaliation and then turned slightly to face Joe. “So, what do you teach?” he asked, and then he listened, sipping from his drink, as Joe laughed lightly and started talking.

Shaina (Saturday, December 11, 2021 – 9:24 a.m.): Just landed at SeaTac. Grant offered to pick me up and take me to your place. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE drive safe, don’t rush, just get yourself and Bri up here in one piece. That’s all I ask

Shaina (9:26 a.m.): Love you <3

Chapter Eleven

Ash

Knots tightened in Ash’s stomach as he listened to Bri cooing quietly in her car seat. He dried the bottle he’d just rinsed out with one of the few remaining clean burp cloths he had left, and then he stuffed the bottle into Bri’s diaper bag, along with the cloth and a bag of baby wipes. She played with her rattle, making soft, cute noises like she was perfectly content and happy as could be, while he finished packing the rest of his things into his luggage bag.

She’d been a perfect angel so far this morning. But the entire day on Friday and the whole of last night had been filled with sporadic wailing, a constant need to be held, and much less sleep than Ash thought was probably best for a four-month-old infant.

He had no real plan beyond start driving. The roads were clear according to every news report he’d managed to find online and every traffic cam he’d viewed on the CalTrans and TripCheck websites, and the temps had been consistently in the mid-forties to mid-fifties in the region and heading north since the storm system had cleared completely by late Friday morning. If he left now and didn’t have to stop too often, he’d be through the iffy mountainous parts of Northern California and southern Oregon by early afternoon. He could stop overnight in Eugene or Portland, if he needed to. Or he could keep going.

He desperately hoped he’d be able to keep going.

He wanted to get home. More than anything, he wanted to get home and sleep in his own bed and use his own shower and cook his own food. He wanted to be some place safe and familiar, where he knew what to expect and how to handle things. And he wanted to see Shaina.

In the most basic sense, he needed one of her hugs.

It wouldn’t be exactly what he really needed, but it would be the next best thing.

Closing his eyes, he took a slow breath in and let it out to a count of five. Then he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up his messaging app to send Shaina a short text.

Ash (10:46 a.m.): Leaving now. I’ll message you when I stop. Wish me luck ;)

She messaged him back almost immediately with a selfie of her and his friend Grant standing in the kitchen of Ash’s tiny one-bedroom apartment. Grant held a broom in one hand and a duster in the other, and Shaina was armed with a bottle of window cleaner, her jet-black hair tied back into a high ponytail.

Shaina (10:47 a.m.): Deep clean in progress. Grant and I will have your place spotless by the time you get here. DRIVE SAFE!

Ash sighed, typed out and deleted about five variations of you don’t have to do that, and then gave up and sent a string of heart emojis followed by “thank you both, you’re the best.” And with the biggest smile he could muster, hoping it would distract Bri enough that she wouldn’t be able to sense the dread in his gut, Ash knelt down in front of the car seat.

“Ready to go, sweet girl?”

Bri smiled up at him and gurgled and then seemed to hold out her rattle as if to hand it to him. His heart ached in his chest.

“How about you keep that for yourself, and we’ll get going, huh?” Ash said softly, still smiling.

Bri made some silly babbling noises in response and brought the rattle back to her mouth, and Ash stood, shouldered the diaper bag and his duffle bag, and took one more glance around the room to make sure he had everything. Then he picked up Bri’s car seat, lifted the handle of his suitcase, and started toward the door.

Checkout was simple and quick, though Ash avoided looking at the final bill and chose to just fold up the full-page folio and stuff it into his pocket. He had enough to worry about right now without getting anxious over money matters too.

Outside, the air was crisp but not frigid, and the parking lot had been mostly cleared of snow. Still, he walked carefully. A little more than five minutes later, he was sitting in the driver’s seat of his small SUV, his hands grasping the wheel with a bit more strength than needed and his foot pushed down hard into the brake pedal, as he listened to Bri gurgle happily in the back seat.

The vehicle was still in park, and he hadn’t even tried to move. Yet his heart pounded, and an odd, not-entirely-comfortable tingle buzzed in his fingers.

“It’s fine, right, Bri? The roads are fine. They said on the news this morning,” he mumbled, putting as much optimism into his words as he could. Bri didn’t answer, of course, and he closed his eyes for a second.

This fear gripping him was entirely new and entirely unwelcome. He really hadn’t been prone to anxiety at all, not before that call from Shaina weeks ago. But now, he couldn’t even seem to convince his hand to let go of the steering wheel long enough to shift the car into drive. His stomach lurched at even the simple thought.

He wished he could just get angry. Punch a wall. Scream up at the sky. Let out everything he was trying so hard to keep bottled in. Because this wasn’t fucking fair.