Page 164 of Fall Into Me

He only wished he’d seen that from the beginning.

He closed his eyes, hurt welling up in his chest, and he imagined not having this anymore. Ever. He imagined Ash leaving today, going back home. And he imagined never seeing him again. Never holding him. Never kissing him.

He imagined never feeling the warmth of Ash’s smile again.

And he hadn’t ever wanted to cry as much as he did right then.

“Mmm, good morning, gorgeous.” Ash’s lips brushed his, and fingers grazed lightly down his chest, stopping right at the hem of his boxers. “Bri isn’t up yet?”

Cass shook his head. “Uh, no. I mean, I haven’t heard her. It’s still early. Not yet six.” At least, that was his assumption, since he hadn’t heard his dad up yet, either. With effort, he forced his eyes open and made himself smile at his boyfriend, who looked so peaceful, still half asleep, with his head resting on Cass’s shoulder. He held Ash tighter and then kissed his forehead. “Can I make you breakfast? I know you wanted to get going early.”

Ash nodded, though he frowned, and he closed the distance between them again, finding Cass’s lips. When they parted, Ash said, “This week was perfect. I wish I didn’t have to leave.”

Cass couldn’t answer. He pulled Ash closer to him and kissed him again.

The rest of the morning was a blur. They both got up. Ash started packing and took care of Bri while Cass threw on some clothes and headed out to the kitchen to make breakfast. Cooking was a good distraction, and by the time everyone had joined him at the kitchen table about a half hour later, he’d whipped up quite an excess of food—egg white omelets with spinach and peppers, diced potatoes, quartered strawberries, and an entire tray of little mini oatmeal blueberry muffins. Bri was more than happy with the assortment, and she dug right in. Cass himself barely ate, though, his stomach mildly upset. Around him, everyone seemed good. Happy, even. Ash talked with Cass’s parents about the upcoming summer session at school and mentioned he was supposed to be getting his school placement any day now, and Cass’s mom told a short story about one of her first days in the classroom alone.

When everyone was finished eating, Cass’s dad said his goodbyes, lingering in his hug with Bri for an extra few seconds before blowing a raspberry on her belly and making her squeal with delight. Then he left for work. Cass spent a few minutes with his mom, helping her get dressed and ready for her day, while Ash loaded up his car.

Then it was time.

Dread started creeping back in, all of his thoughts from earlier spiraling him down into a dark abyss.

Ash and Bri took turns carefully hugging his mom. Bri was as adorable as ever, her big, loud kiss goodbye followed by a joyful “bye-bye, I wuv you!”

The three of them then headed outside together, Bri insisting Cass carry her. She clung to him, kissing his cheek and saying sweet, adorable things like “I wuv you, too, Cass!” and “Un-ca Ash wuv Cass, too!” and “See you soooooon!”

While Ash started the car, Cass hugged Bri tight and said a quiet goodbye, kissing her cheek. Then he reluctantly let Ash take her and get her strapped into her car seat, Ollie the Octopus in her lap.

The sound of the car door shutting rattled through Cass’s head, and he closed his eyes and dropped his chin. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready for them to leave, but also, he wasn’t ready to lose them. He wasn’t ready for that heartbreak, and he wasn’t ready to break Ash’s heart. He couldn’t.

God, he didn’t know what to do.

Ash’s hands settled on his chest, and Cass shook his head, though he wasn’t sure exactly why.

“This isn’t getting easier,” he said, sniffling. He lifted his eyes and saw Ash’s soft smile, full of love and understanding.

“I know.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

Ash’s smile tightened, and he nodded gently before leaning in and touching his lips to Cass’s. The kiss was short, but only because Ash pulled back, slid his hands up to frame Cass’s face, and then tipped their foreheads together. They stayed there like that for several seconds. Then Ash kissed him again, a little deeper, lingering in it for a little longer.

“I had a great time,” Ash said when they parted. His voice was low and soft, and Cass wanted to memorize that, too, along with every kiss and touch and moment they’d spent together.

“Thank you for coming.”

Ash’s thumbs traced along the contours of Cass’s cheekbones, and then he let his hands slip back to settle on the middle of Cass’s chest. “I love you, Cass.”

The words took a second to register, but when they did, Cass’s heart nearly burst. A million emotions rushed through him, none stronger than the love he felt for the man standing in front of him.

He shook his head, overwhelmed and unable to respond. Then he wrapped his arms around Ash, tugged him in as close as he could, and kissed him with everything he had, their lips meeting in a caress that was gentle, even in its fierceness.

When he pulled back, Ash chased him, kissing him again and then once more, laughing. Joyful and happy.

God, it was such a beautiful thing.

A beautiful thing that he knew wouldn’t be able to last.