Page 162 of Fall Into Me

He closed his eyes for a second, refusing to let the thought continue. Instead, he knelt down in front of his boyfriend and found Cass’s hands again. He squeezed gently and waited until Cass lifted his eyes, finally letting Ash see him. The flicker of emotions he’d glimpsed earlier—ones he’d labeled as uncertainty and worry—were clear as day on Cass’s face now, as was a deep pain.

Ash’s frown deepened, and he let go of one of Cass’s hands to cup his cheek. “We can talk about it, if you want. Do you . . . do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

But Cass dropped his chin and stared down at their clasped hands, his face pale and the muscle in his jaw twitching. “No, uh . . . no, I don’t think I’m ready to, yet,” he said, his voice wavering with each word.

“Okay.” Ash ran his thumb gently along Cass’s cheek. “Okay, that’s fine. Um, whatever it is, though, I need you to know I’ll be here for you, just like you’ve always been there for me. You can tell me anything. Whenever you’re ready. Okay?”

Cass screwed his eyes shut, almost like those words hurt him somehow.

“Cass?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Cass nodded and then sniffled and reached up to rub his eyes. “Okay, um, yeah. Thank you. I’ll—I’ll let you know.”

That certainly didn’t do much to ease Ash’s concern, but he really had no idea what else he could do right then. He pushed himself to his feet.

“I’ll be back, just a few minutes. Okay?”

Cass swallowed and nodded, keeping his eyes down. Reluctantly, Ash started toward the door, leaning down to scoop up his bag again on the way.

He showered, shaved, and brushed his teeth, and then he set up the baby monitor while Cass took a few minutes of his own to clean up and get ready for bed. When Cass returned, Ash had just settled on the bed and opened up the book that had been sitting on the nightstand—some fantasy adventure story with dragons and elves on the cover.

Cass laughed as he shut the door, the sound music to Ash’s ears.

“That book . . .” Cass shook his head. He tossed his dirty clothes in a laundry hamper in the corner of the room and then crawled up onto the bed next to Ash. “I’ve been trying to read it for weeks now. But I’m only on, I dunno, chapter three or something.”

“Hard to get into?”

“No, no, not really. I just keep getting interrupted every time I start. So I haven’t gotten very far.” Cass took the book out of Ash’s hands, set it back on the nightstand, and then scooted over, propping himself up on his elbows over Ash.

“Is that so? Something interrupts you? Every night?” Ash arched his eyebrows. “Who would be so selfish as to bother you and interrupt your reading time, every night?”

Cass grinned and lowered his mouth to Ash’s. The kiss was gentle and sweet and reassuring all at once.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Cass said softly, and he pulled back so Ash could see his eyes. “I don’t want you to think . . .” He blinked, and his smile faded. He tried again. “I don’t want you to worry about me. I’m fine. Really. Everything just got overwhelming or something today, seeing you here again, and my mom, and Bri.”

Ash brought both hands up to frame Cass’s face, and he tugged Cass down to him for another of those sweet, gentle kisses. “I understand that,” he said when they parted. “Just know that if you need to talk—about anything at all—I’m here.”

A playful smile grew on Cass’s face, one that looked much, much more like what Ash was used to.

“I think talking might be the last thing I want to do right now,” Cass said. He dipped down and started fluttering tiny kisses on Ash’s cheek and then neck as he settled over Ash more, one leg slipping between Ash’s knees.

“Oh?” Ash closed his eyes and pressed his head back into Cass’s pillow with a quiet moan. His hands found the hem of Cass’s shirt, and he tugged it up. “What did you want to do instead?”

Cass brushed a light kiss on Ash’s lips. “Just let me love you,” he whispered.

The words surrounded Ash like a blanket, warm and soft, and he smiled.

“I can do that.”

Joe (Sunday, June 11, 2023 – 6:10 p.m.): Just got here. My sister’s place is nice! Quiet and right near Lake Sammamish, which she says has a running trail all the way around? Not sure, but I’ll have to check it out

Joe (6:11 p.m.): Thank you again for your help yesterday. It was quick work with everyone pitching in

Joe (6:12 p.m.): Next time you’re up here to visit your boyfriend, shoot me a text so we can hang out (also, ugh, he’s so sweet, I see why you like him)

Joe (6:12 p.m.): Take care. ttyl :)

Chapter Fifty-Two