Page 41 of The Unbecoming

Alexander “Alex” Hessman

8/22/2000 - 4/16/2025

Tears fill my eyes as I lower myself to sit between their graves. I shouldn’t be here. I should be working at whatever job I would have gotten after graduation. I should be with Liam. He always talked about wanting to get married. Alex, he would be here, too. I don’t know what could have been, but I know that it’s all gone now. Every chance at a happy ending we dreamed of is gone now. What am I supposed to do now? I made it to tomorrow, but now I’m alone.

“What are you thinking?” Owen asks, kneeling down next to me.

“I’m alone,” I say tearfully. “I’m alone, and it’s not fair.”

“It’s not,” he says. “But now we are here.”

“And they aren’t… Our baby…” I say, looking down at the ultrasound the clinic gave me. It was hardly visible, but they had a heartbeat.

I move up to my knees and place the scan between their headstones before moving a rock to sit on top of it. I don’t know who their dad was, but they both would have been an amazing dad. Now, I’ll have to find peace in knowing that they are all together now. Maybe in the clouds.

When I sit back down, Owen sits next to me when I start crying. I’ve spent a lot of time shedding tears over the last year. Most of them were filled with rage, but this? This just hurts.

We sit here in silence, long after I’ve calmed down.

“Liam would have liked you,” I say, glancing at Owen. “He always told me that the only way to get me to listen was to meet me where I was. It’s probably the only reason he had sex with me that day.”

“I doubt that’s the only reason,” Owen says with a light chuckle. “If he hadn’t died that day, would you have gotten back together with him?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I didn’t even want to break up with him. I just thought it was what was best for him.”

“I’m willing to bet he had sex with you because he was willing to accept any part of you that you were willing to give him. He just wanted you,” he tells me.

“And now here I am… Alone… Celibate…” I say, and Owen turns again to look at me. “What?”

“You are hyperfocused on sex,” he says. “That’s like the fourth time you’ve mentioned it.”

“I’ve been a year without dick, Owen,” I laugh. “They were pretty damn good in that department, so I think I just miss that.”

“I think you miss the comfort,” he says.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “The psych ward is pretty limiting on physical touch.”

“Would you like to go home?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “They’re still close, so I can come visit when I want.”

“You can,” he says with a smile.

Chapter Twenty

Nora

Being back in this apartment doesn’t feel real. All of my time spent here was a blur, so this is just a place I existed for a while. Sadie did a great job of keeping things up over the last year. She’s honestly a godsend.

Sadie brought pizza, and Ricky brought over ice cream. I am sitting on my couch, just happy to be free. I’ve spent most of the time listening to them talk, but it’s better that way. I don’t really have anything to say, and I know the adrenaline is starting to wear off.

“You look tired,” Ricky says, looking at me from the armchair.

“I am,” I lie. “I think I might just shower and go to bed soon.

“Want me to stay?” Sadie asks.

“No, I’ll be okay,” I say. “Tomorrow I need to start applying to places.”