Page 29 of Edging Desire

Memories of her are spiraling through my head. Every laugh, every smile, every moment we’ve spent together comes rushing back. The crippling pain in my heart intensifies when I picture the intimate moments, the moments when it was just the two of us alone.

There were so many times I almost told her I loved her, but I waited too late. Of course, she doesn’t believe me now. Why would she? I haven’t given her a reason to trust me.

It’s not usual for me to give up so easily, but what choice do I have? The chances of her opening up her arms and welcoming me back are about zero percent.

I make it about ten miles down the road, cursing the cruelty of fate the entire time, when I suddenly slam on the brakes. Fate? Who the hell is she? She doesn’t control me. Fuck that. I’m in control of my own fate.

If I’m going to lose Winny for good, it won’t be for lack of trying. I’ll never be able to forgive myself if I don’t do everything I can to win her back.

Not caring for my own safety, I do a quick U-turn in the middle of a mountain highway.

I have things to do, things to fix, and little time to get it done. If I’m going to get my Winny back, I’ve got a lot of work to do. I can’t live without her, and I know she can’t live without me. Now, I just need to convince her of that.

And I know just what needs to be done.

Chapter 12

Winny

It’s been five days since the big blowup with Brad. My eyes are red and gritty from crying all night. No matter how many times I tell myself he’s not worth it, I can’t stop the tears. Even now, I feel the wetness gathering in the corner of my eyes. It doesn’t help that the sheets still smell like him, reminding me of the nights I spent wrapped in his arms. I should’ve thrown them in the wash, but holding onto that last piece of him is comforting in a strange sort of way.

I feel so worthless, so stupid. I let him fool me, take advantage of me. I’m the one sitting here with a broken heart, and he’s probably laughing with his boss about the poor sap he duped.

Forcing myself out of bed requires more energy than I feel capable of mustering; however, I need to get to work. Gerald still hasn’t officially told either me or Hanna about selling the rink. He’s been away from the office for the last few days, so I haven’t been able to confront him. At this point, it wouldn’t do any good, anyway. He’s made his decision. I can’t even blame him for selling. I’m sure the company Brad works for has unlimited pockets, and that land is worth more than I’ll probably ever be able to afford.

I’ve delayed getting out of bed long enough. I have a private lesson starting in an hour. It’s going to be a long day, but I’m not going to complain. My days at the rink are numbered, so I plan to make the most of the time I have left.

After showering and getting dressed, I force some cereal down and then head out to work. The drive is short and uneventful. I somehow manage to keep my thoughts centered on my driving rather than the deceitful, lying, adorable, handsome, sexy bastard who should be on his way out of town.

Please, please, please let me get through the day without seeing him. Hanna has been begging me to go for our almost daily coffee shop visits, but no way am I going to chance running into him around town. His plane should be taking off in a few hours, taking him back to Boston, so I just need to get through the day.

After that, I’ll never have to see him again.

It should be a comforting thought, but it’s not. It only brings more pain.

As I pull up to the rink, I picture the hotel that will soon be there. This old place is going to be torn down completely, and in its place will be a luxury five-star resort. They’ll probably cut down all the trees, too. And for sure, they’ll ruin the beautiful view of the mountains.

Who cares about nature anyway? Let’s just tear it all down and replace it with obnoxious buildings.

By the time I get inside, I’ve worked myself up into a decently bad mood. I wasn’t exactly happy before, but now I’m ready to punch something. Poor Hanna happens to be the first person I see.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” she asks.

“Like shit,” I snap. “How do you think I feel?”

“You look like you feel like shit,” she snaps back. “But, at least I’m a good friend and asked.”

I avert my eyes, feeling ashamed for snapping at her. “I’m sorry, and I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t sleep at all last night,” I admit.

She smiles sympathetically and puts her arms around me for a hug. “It’s okay. I know. I should’ve been more sensitive. You’re dealing with a lot.”

“You’re dealing with a lot, too. We’re both facing unemployment soon.”

She shrugs. “True. I’m confident we’ll think of something. By the way, your first appointment just called and canceled. Looks like you have about an hour before your next lesson. We should go grab a coffee.”

“No.”

“Didn’t you say he’s supposed to leave today? He won’t be anywhere near here.”