Page 24 of Incarnate

"Search it."

I’m already moving. The back door of the cellar opens to a narrow alley, and I slip through after grabbing one of the cloaks down here, pulling my hood up, keeping my head down. The fall air is crisp in my lungs once more. I walk with the measured steps of someone who belongs here, even though every cell in my body is screaming in two different directions—one toward safety, one toward him.

The main thing keeping me moving is that I can’t even believe he’s actually searching for me. It’s like being told I was once a thief, and that everybody’s out to arrest me, but I don’t remember my crime.

Once I round an isolated corner, I press myself against the wall of a tanner's shop, breathing hard. I can’t see the street, but I can hear things.

What I can see is what looks like a caravan of creatures that follow him: Reapers, demons, and gargoyles. The humans nearby watch with reverence, no one caring about me. Some are even down on their knees in worship.

I hear creatures mention tearing it apart, some saying to take extra scones, then heavy footprints in the alley from where I just was.

“She’s not here,” someone reports.

Then silence, and stillness. Whatever came out is clearly still standing there⁠—

My eyes widen when I hear his voice. “She’s in the city, somewhere. That much I can feel.”

Footsteps and doors shutting tell me they’ve left, and when the procession line of his little army disappears, I still don’t return.

If I’m to be honest, a major reason is that I am glued to the spot. Hearing his voice so close to me has undone something in me. Okay… so, well, I don’t think I can argue that there isn’t something between us.

The desire to take off this ring is the strongest I have felt yet…

“Get back in the shop,” Judica says, nearly scaring me to death. “Now.”

I only move my head to flare at her before she grabs my arm as I follow her back inside, the space less organized as someone clearly ran through the scones. “Alright,” she says, taking off her cloak. “You need to hide upstairs for the rest of the day. It won’t look right if somebody mentions that you were here when you weren’t during the search. He probably felt something in this area when you took off the damn ring.”

I barely hear what she said to me, only able to think of his voice. Say my name, so I may find you. The gentleness of it. The ache, and then hearing it so close right now. “He says he knows I’m here in the city,” I mutter, as if I’m slow to the conversation. I shake my head. “Shit, I’m sorry. It’s like I’m in a trance.”

Judica's eye shifts as she stands in front of me. She presses her thin lips together, and I watch her decide how to answer. She could lie. She wants to lie, I think. I can see it the way I used to see it in clients who were deciding between what they felt and what they wanted me to believe. “That ring is the only thing that will maintain your independence, Penelope. The ring is not perfect, but it’s clearly damn powerful. Your soul is seeking out the other half of it, and unfortunately for us, it’s to a very selfish demon who will lock you down.”

I look down at my hands. The ring catches the firelight, and for just a moment, the hum in my chest swells, as if the bind heard everything Judica just said and wants to demand that I remove it anyway. “Then why don’t you just lock me away and keep the ring on?” I ask, glaring at her.

“Because you were once my friend, and for this to work at all, you have to come to our realm of your own free will. Which means fighting against your need for him, too.”

I nod a few times, before placing my face in both hands, sighing through my fingers. My whole body is vibrating with the need to find him. “And what exactly do we need to do with the pantheon again?”

“The Godless have introduced an unnatural unfurling of events, and you were hit the hardest being of the ocean; our first line of defense. You fled so as to protect yourself while we figured out another plan, to which we have in your absence. Now, we just need you to return so we can all properly transition. We cannot do it without your participation.”

I lean my head back, staring at the wooden ceiling. “At some point do I get those memories back?” Would sure help if I could make my own decision on this, not just hear what others say I would want.

“Hopefully… and hopefully not with Kallúm nearby. You can go to him afterward, I promise.”

I eventually make my way back upstairs, saying that I need to lie down.

All I do is stare outside the window, discovering I cannot lie down with a restless mind. The patrols continue outside in a rhythmic march, and somewhere in the city a woman with the wrong color hair is being stopped and examined and released, over and over, because a demon king cannot find the one who ran from him and returned.

I rotate the ring on my finger incessantly.

Despite all of this… I’m tempted to remove it later. To hear his voice once more. Maybe he has answers, too.

And something in me is drawn to him like he’s a promise of safety, as if my soul knows that with all the danger here, he would never hurt me.

And to be honest, I am curious about his side of the story.

That night, I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, after Judica gave me something to calm my mind. The moons are bright enough that thin lines of silver press through the shutters, painting the room in pale stripes.

My thumb traces the rough metal of the ring, the smithing marks, the imperfections. I slide it up, just to the middle knuckle, then back down, until I slide the ring fully off without much further thought, ready to return it should this become too much.