Page 47 of Diary from an Inked Throne

Luca just looked at me like he knew his presence alone was enough. It made me laugh. He was such an arrogant prick.

But I was so glad he was home.

I was still naked. We’d all showered after our little reunion in the hot tub the night before, and none of us had put on clothes before we’d tumbled into bed. Luca and Lynx had gotten up and gone to the rink early, but I hadn’t moved much from the bed all day. Dax had brought me some food, and then I’d fallen right back to sleep.

It felt like the first solid, deep sleep I’d had in a long time, my body craving it and trying to catch up now that all three of the men I loved were home with me.

I drew the black silk sheets up around my breasts and drew my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them while I watched him putter around.

“Lynx and Dax went down to the gym.” He tossed a shirt into the mouth of the closet, a pair of jeans following soon after. “They’ve been gone awhile. Should be back soon.”

“You didn’t want to go work out?”

“Are you telling me I’m getting pudgy?”

I pulled the sheet off the bed, wrapping it around myself, and walked into his closet so we didn’t have to keep shouting at each other. “You’re anything but pudgy.”

I took in his shirtless chest. He’d lost weight if anything. He’d always had a lot of long, lean muscle, but his face was so sharply chiseled now it was obvious to me he hadn’t been eating well.

I was so distracted by the fact I could see the outline of his ribs that it took me a moment to realize exactly what he was doing. And even then, I had to ask him to confirm it. “Are you…packing?”

He paused in the middle of folding a sweatshirt he’d just taken off a hanger. He grimaced but nodded.

My heart sank, and my words came out barely more than a whisper. “You said you’d stay.”

He turned away, clearly not wanting to meet my eyes. “I can’t stay, Nyah. I want to, fuck knows I want to more than anything. But I can’t. Not until he’s home.”

His weight loss was right there in front of me. The proof that being out on the road, right after being kept prisoner, was eating away at him. “You and Lynx haven’t been home in over a month. You have an entire army of your father’s—of your—men out searching for him. That’s what you told me.”

He shook his head. “It’s not enough.”

I stared at him. Counted the bumps on his spine, trying to calm the rising anger inside me. But when I got to the last one, I was still no calmer than I’d been when we’d started the conversation.

I tucked my sheet in on itself a little tighter, then reached for the suitcase I’d brought my clothes in when I’d first moved into the Guerra mansion. Dax had brought all my clothes and belongings into this room weeks ago, because I couldn’t bear to step foot into my old room. That room still held all the memories of my baby growing inside me, the baby book Lynx had given me still stashed away in a drawer, beside the half-finished pregnancy vitamins.

I unzipped my suitcase and started throwing my own clothes into it.

It had the desired effect. Luca stopped packing and stared at me. “What are you doing?”

“Packing. What does it look like? If it’s not enough for your men to handle it, then I need to be out there too.”

He covered my hand with his so I couldn’t yank any more of my clothes from the shelf. “You’re one person, Nyah.”

I turned and stared up at him. “So are you.”

He sighed and dropped the sweatshirt at his feet so he could scrub his hands over his face.

I knew he was in agony. But so was I. I’d stayed here in this house for the past six weeks, knowing I needed time to recover. Knowing if I tried to go out there, exhausted, bleeding, my stitches needing medical supervision, and my mind trying to recover from the trauma, that I’d only be in the way. That he and Lynx couldn’t do what needed to be done if they were constantly worrying about me.

So I’d spent six weeks fighting every instinct in my body that screamed for my son. Every nerve ending wanted to go after them. To be on the road, to feel like I was doing something to contribute. To feel like I was getting closer.

I’d listened when they’d asked me to stay behind. Not because I wanted to. But because it was what was best for finding James. Because I’d trusted Luca and Lynx knew what needed to be done.

I pulled Luca’s hands away from his face. “You’ve been telling me for weeks your guys will find him. Is that not true anymore? Be honest.”

His expression filled with pain. “I want it to be. I want to promise you they’ll find him. But I don’t think it is. We should have found him by now.” He shook his head. “But I can’t have you out there.”

“I’m healed. I ate all the good food. Rested. I’m good.”