Page 10 of Diary from an Inked Throne

I groaned through each pain, panting, no idea what I was doing, just following the cues of my body. I got onto my hands and knees, rocking from side to side, groaning low and miserably, the pressure between my legs so intense it was hard to think.

Instinctively, I reached around, lifting my dress up around my belly. I dragged my underwear down with one hand, some part of me already knowing what was happening even though I couldn’t see.

I put my hand between my legs and felt something wet and slimy and hard.

I jerked my head up, staring at Sindy. “Oh my God, I think I can feel the baby’s head.”

She bit her lip and clutched the bars so tight her fingers turned white. “Can you get on your back? If you come a bit closer, I can look.”

I didn’t want to move. My entire body revolted at the idea of leaving this exact position, even though it felt like I was being shredded into two.

But I had to. I couldn’t have the baby like this. Not here. Not with no one to catch him.

I forced myself to move, every inch an agony I was sure I wouldn’t survive. But I somehow managed to get down onto my back, in reach of Sindy’s outstretched arms.

Her eyes rounded. “Oh holy shit. You’re right. That’s definitely a head. I think if you just push—”

There was no stopping what my body was doing. I bore down, chin to my chest.

Pain ripped through me, but there was also a strange relief in it too.

Sindy grabbed my leg, helping me position my foot against the bars. “The head is out! Oh my God, the head is out.”

“Is he okay?” I managed to ask around pants, trying to catch my breath.

Sindy shook her head, then nodded. “I’m sorry! I don’t know! He’s face down.”

I’d read enough of the pregnancy books Lynx had given me to know that was a good thing. “Okay. That’s normal. I think. We just—”

I didn’t know what I was going to say or do. But again, my body took over, forcing me to push. I’d never felt anything like it. Like I had no control and yet all the power all at once. I bore down, groaning loudly.

Sindy clapped like a proud parent. “You’re doing it! He’s moving! Holy crap, keep going!”

I panted in between, wanting to cry but knowing that all I could do for this baby now was bring him earthside. I couldn’t magic up a clean, white hospital, or a team of doctors and midwives to help us. I couldn’t take away the evil that lurked just outside the doors.

And I couldn’t bring back his father. The tears that streamed down my cheeks were for Dax. Partially sad, partially angry, all because he should have been here and he wasn’t.

But I was. And I was going to get our son out and into this world safely if it was the last thing I did.

I took a deep breath and held it, pushing down as hard as I could, relishing the last few seconds of my baby being inside my body before he slid out, into Sindy’s waiting hands.

She gave a shout, and I held my breath, praying to hear the miraculous sound of my baby’s first cries.

His little lungs filled the room with a squawk of surprise, like he hadn’t been aware he’d been half hanging out of my body for the last few minutes, just waiting to be born.

I burst into tears, and Sindy held him out to me, panic and wonder and terror all over her face as she stared at the squirming, slimy baby she barely had a grip on. “Quick! Take him before I drop him!”

I reached for him, taking him into my arms, an instant rush of love pouring in over me, along with the wonder of how this tiny human had been inside me just minutes before.

He screamed his lungs out, and I relished every sound, drawing him up onto my chest, cord still attached, both of us trying to catch our breath.

“Hey, little one,” I whispered, my throat clogging with a sob.

Sindy didn’t hold back. She’d only known me for minutes, and yet tears rolled down her dirty cheeks. She clutched her heart and smiled so big it was surprising her jaw didn’t crack. “That was wild.”

That barely covered it, but all the pain and chaos disappeared with the wonder of this tiny human I had on my chest. His face was pure perfection, and with only one glimpse, I knew he looked like his dad. I stared down at a miniature version of Dax, the man I had loved since the moment I laid eyes on him, and felt that same rush for his son.

“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered to him. “I wish your dad was here to see you.”