Page 15 of Snowed In with Benefits

“What? No!”

“Are you sure? If there was another man, I could almost understand.”

“I’m sure. How—” I bite my tongue. How could she think that of me? But I remember the spectacle I made running away and I can’t really blame her for thinking that way.

“Then what is it? Has Preston done something to hurt you? Is there abuse going on that we don’t know about?”

“No, of course not. Preston is perfect.” The words taste bitter in my mouth, but they’re the truth. The man is perfect. Completely, unachievably, ridiculously perfect.

“He’s perfect.” I can hear my mother’s brain working as she falls silent on the other end of the phone. Finally she just says one word, heavy with all of her disappointment and disbelief. “Josie.”

“I know.” I’m miserable and I know she can hear it. “I know how that sounds.”

“It sounds like you just ruined the best thing in your life for no reason at all.”

Her words land like a gut punch. I suck in a breath and blow it out slowly. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to answer her. She’s right, I ruined everything, but I had to. I don’t know how to make her understand that part.

She sighs again. “Listen, just tell me where you are. I’ll come get you and we’ll go talk this out with Preston. There might still be a chance that we can salvage this.”

“I can’t talk to him right now.” My voice is small and shaky, but I’m firm in my decision.

“Then we’ll talk just the two of us, maybe we should get you a therapist. You know they have plenty of anxiety meds these days, we could get you something good and just tell Preston that you had a mental health emergency. I’m sure he wouldn’t hold it against you.”

Sure, he wouldn’t. He’s perfect, after all. It would just hang in the air between us and he’d be perfectly understanding about the whole thing and would spend loads of time making sure I took my meds. I don’t need meds. I needed out, and that’s what I got.

“Not now.” Not no, which is what I mean, but not now. I don’t have the strength for another guilt trip.

“Then when? You can’t just hide out forever. I’m worried about you, Josie. I’m worried you’re not stable right now. Who are you staying with? I’ll give them a call just to make sure they’re taking care of you. You are staying with someone, aren’t you?”

“Mom, I’m fine. I’m not going to off myself or anything, I just couldn’t go through with the wedding. You don’t need to check up on me like that.”

“Okay, but where are you?”

“I’m safe.” I take a shaky breath. I’m not used to being outright defiant to her like this and it’s taking a lot out of me. “Listen, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Promise me you’ll talk to me soon. We need to get this figured out as soon as possible.”

“I will. I promise.” My stomach clenches. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for another conversation like this. I know she means well. She just can’t possibly understand where I’m coming from. It’s always been a problem for us, and I’ve spent years trying to make myself more comprehensible to her.

This, though… this thing that I did that I barely understand myself… this isn’t going to be easy for her. I understand it, I accept it, but god almighty do I need to get off the phone now.

“I gotta go. I love you.”

“I love you too, Josie. I really do. You know that, right?”

I know she’s trying to keep the door open so the conversation doesn’t end, so she can keep poking at me to find out what makes me tick, and I’m not playing along this time.

“I know. Goodbye, Mom.”

She sighs. I end the call. I drop my head and the sobs come, tears pouring from my eyes.

“She loves me so much she didn’t even ask how I feel.” I hold the phone to my forehead, wishing I could just transfer all of my thoughts and feelings across the space between us so she could really get it.

I gulp back my sobs and look up, sighing. I freeze. Emmett is leaning on the doorframe, watching me. Quickly, I wipe my tears away. How much of that did he hear? I didn’t even notice him come back in.

“Who was that?” he asks.

“My mother,” I answer miserably.