Page 269 of Awakened

Because the last time I let an Omega get to me, the cost was the lives of four good males and nine innocent Omegas. Maybe not a huge loss in the grand scheme of things, but all of their blood is on my hands.

I punished Idril for my fuck up and told myself I was protecting myself and my brothers.

I treated her like a fucking monster. I terrorized her. I kept food from her. I Alpha Commanded her multiple times. I withheld Nesting Materials and even a fucking bed. I set her the most arduous tasks I could think of to break her.

And when she didn’t, I doubled down.

I push down into the Earth harder, a grunt slipping past my lips as once-unfamiliar pressure appears behind my eyes for the tenth time in the last few days.

The self-loathing I’ve carried since that night is nothing compared to the hatred I feel for myself now.

I never even told Caelan and Vae what really happened. When I got back, I gave my report but kept Elsbeth out of it. I’d been too ashamed. Too disappointed in myself. I vowed to never trust another Omega again. Not unless we met our Fated Mate.

Half a millennium later and we still haven't.

Maybe that’s my fault, too.

Because the brown eyes that have haunted me for centuries are gone, and now I’m being haunted night and day by eyes of purest blue. Eyes that look at me with distrust and pain, and since the night I threw her in the cells… betrayal.

Panting, I toss aside another shovel full of dirt. This hole must be three feet deep by now, and I still haven’t found anything.

I didn’t think this would take so fucking long. After a night spent tossing and turning, followed by the arrival of a fucking magical barrier from hell, the world’s worst ass-beating, and a mental fucking breakdown, I’ve about hit my limit for the day.

I’m sweaty, exhausted, and my head is throbbing. The moment Calder confirmed that Idril was in the late stages of CSDD, the seeds of guilt were planted. It’s only been a few days, but after what I’ve seen in this house, those seeds have sprouted, bloomed, and erupted into a tree of self-loathing as big as this willow. Its roots are sunk as deep as the ones I’m struggling to dig around now, steadily growing day by day as they feast on my shame.

How am I ever going to look at her again? How can I possibly ever look at Caelan again now that I understand the magnitude of my betrayal? What the fuck was I⁠—

CLANG

I drop my shovel. Vae freezes next to me, mid-swing, and Riven’s dirt streaked face snaps to me, hope-filled eyes wide.

I blink, staring into the shallow pit I’ve carved in the Earth. The metal edge of my shovel definitely hit something solid, so I reach through the maze of roots until I touch something at the bottom that definitely isn’t dirt.

“Shit.”

Shifting to get into a better position, I reach into the pit with my other hand and use both to swipe at the layers of dirt. My fingers catch under the lip of something solid and shimmy it out of the packed soil. When a gleam of bright metal catches the sun, I suck in a sharp breath.

“Damn, I was starting to think Idril’s mom was hallucinating or something,” Vae breathes. “Also, why are there eight thousand roots? How did she dig between them all in the first place?”

I don’t answer. I can’t. Just like earlier, a part of me didn’t actually believe we’d find anything under here. Up until this moment, I genuinely thought Annalise’s words were most likely nothing more than the ramblings of a dying, broken female.

Once again, I was wrong.

It takes another ten minutes of digging through the labyrinth of roots and soil before we can finally unearth the metal box. Once I’ve got a solid grip on it, I maneuver it carefully between the roots and out of the Earth.

Vae makes a shocked noise in his throat as I lay it on the ground between us.

“There’s no rust. If she buried it before she disappeared, then it’s been down here for almost a decade…”

Of course there’s no rust. It’s been sealed away.

Like everything in Idril’s life. Her joy, her childhood, her free will, her mother’s love. All of it, buried under layers and layers of lies, secrets, and betrayal. Why not this, too?

I run a steady hand across the top of the lockbox and notice there’s something etched into the metal.

“A.E.” I murmur. “What does that stand for?”

“Could be Annalise’s name. Her first and maiden name, maybe?” Riven shrugs. “Idril probably knows.”