Page 157 of Awakened

“Call Gav. Tell him we need to speak to Idril. Now.”

Chapter 19

Idril

Everyone’s shouting, talking over each other. The more upset the Alphas become, the more nauseous their pheromones make me.

I curl into my chair, wrapping my arms around my legs and forcing myself not to cover my ears with my hands like a child.

“She’s not going!”

That’s Caelan, once again sitting next to me, tone dripping with protective fury. He’s not yelling. He doesn’t need to. Caelan’s the kind of Alpha who has no problem getting his point across without raising his voice.

“We need her there,” Daxen argues for the thousandth time. “We don’t know what the hell is going on with the magic in that place, but it's her blood. The one person it won’t attack is her.”

“You don’t fucking know that,” Soren snarls from his seat at my left. His hand’s a heavy weight around the back of my neck, tethering me to the present when I’d almost rather be left in peace to float away.

Normally I love the safety of his touch. Not right now. Right now, the safety feels too tight. Chafing. It feels too much like a show of ownership, and I’ve recently realized that ownership and possession are not the same thing. One feels like pride and love, and the other feels like being locked away without bothering to even ask if I want to be in a cage.

I know that’s not how he sees me, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.

Caelan leans forward, surveying the room with a hard stare. “Just to be clear, you’re asking me to take my Mate, who’s spent the last decade living in literal hell, to an abandoned military base to verify if the dead woman you found in a rotting basement is her mother. With no protection.”

I flinch.

I know his words aren’t meant to be cruel, but just like Soren’s touch, they hurt regardless of intention.

“She’s not dead,” Vae argues. “I’ve told you this a hundred fucking times. She’s alive.”

“And she can’t leave,” Silas adds. “The wards around that place—the second we tried to move her, they did something to her. She started screaming. Back arching, bones popping and cracking. Whatever wards he’s got on her aren’t anything we’ve seen before.”

Branwen’s voice cuts through the ongoing argument, loud enough to shut up every Alpha in the room.

“Has anyone asked Idril what she wants?”

The silence is a welcome change, and I exhale in relief. My head is pounding, thumping behind my eyes in time with my heartbeat. I’m not sure how much more bickering I can take.

Before this evening, this had been the most wonderful day I’ve had in, well… ever. The morning spent with Caelan changed something inside of me. Maybe it’s just the endorphins, but I don’t believe that. For the first time ever I felt wholly and completely loved, safe and happy. Not only that—the entire moment felt like it strengthened me.

For an hour I luxuriated in the first bath I’ve had in weeks, then spent the entire afternoon and part of the evening with my Mates. It was so relaxing, just Caelan, Soren, and me, watching movies and eating dinner on the couch.

It was… normal. So freaking normal. So normal it felt like my heart would overflow with joy and contentment.

It was the perfect day.

Until Vaelenor and Silas returned from their mission, and the news of their shocking discovery swept through HQ like a whirlwind, taking all sense of normalcy with it.

I’ve barely had a moment to process their news, but that hasn’t slowed their plans in the least. Discussions quickly devolved into debate, then collapsed into a multitude of arguments, mostly centering on whether I should travel to this abandoned building.

To her. My Mother.

I just want it all to stop for a second. Just pause so I can adjust to the newest shifts that are, once again, turning my world upside down. I can feel the cracks forming in my psyche, each new change causing another fissure in the surface of my reality.

This new truth—this new reality—forces its way through my childish attempt to convince myself that what Vae and Silas saw was wrong. It’s a silly lie. A stupid attempt to hide rather than acknowledge a world where my mother’s alive.

And I’ve spent the last decade failing her.

How could I be so ignorant? To simply take my father at his word and never once question the validity of her death? Fates, there wasn’t even a body!