Page 142 of Awakened

I scent Daxen from the hallway before the door to my bedroom swings open, and I turn, leaning back against the stone ledge of the balcony.

I wonder if Idril’s room has a balcony. I bet she’d love one. I always catch her looking out the windows like she’s dying to feel the sun on her face.

“Where’s Idril?” I ask. “I mean, what room did Gav put her in?”

Dax gingerly picks his way across my room, stepping over dirty laundry with narrow-eyed irritation. I roll my eyes. No one made his prissy ass come here. It’s my room, and I’ll cover it in sweaty clothes if I damn well please.

What’s he gonna do? Peer-review me to death?

“She’s with Caelan,” Dax finally answers, stepping up next to me and leaning over, bracing his arms on the railing.

“Really? What about the wolven?”

Dax looks at me like I’m a fucking idiot. “They’re both staying in Caelan’s room.” He turns back to the forest and mutters, “One big happy fucking family.”

Well damn, I wasn’t expecting Dax to sound so bitter. Maybe he feels just as shitty as I do. Maybe we can work together… figure out how to apologize.

Even knowing she’ll probably never forgive me doesn’t stop me from wanting to get on my hands and knees and beg her for forgiveness. It’s the least I owe her.

I probably should have done that last night… I just wasn’t fucking thinking straight after what happened. The guilt was eating me alive, and I spent all night replaying all the fucked up, terrible things we did to her. Then I stayed up until three in the morning, shopping for her online, and sent staff to pick up my purchases as soon as the sun rose.

She has no clothes. No shirts or pants or pajamas. Nothing.

I know I should’ve let her Mates buy what she needs, but I just couldn’t stop myself. It was like… a freaking compulsion. Every time I thought, ‘okay, I’ve bought enough,’ I’d remember her face when she thanked me for those damn shoes, and I’d add more shit to my order.

I don’t even care if she even wears any of it. I just want her to have it. My Alpha—I—want to give it to her. She deserves⁠—

Fuck, she deserves so much more than a bunch of stupid clothes she probably doesn’t even care about. What in the Fates possessed me to think buying all that crap was a good idea? It’s nothing compared to the way I treated her.

The way we treated her.

Might as well have sent a note with it that says, “Sorry we Commanded you into a seizure, denied your Omega basic biological necessities like blankets, bartered food for answers, and spent two weeks systematically breaking you apart when all you ever asked for was someone to listen to you. Here’s some fucking Lululemon.”

Fates, I’m an absolute idiot.

“What are you doing out here?” Daxen asks, and I debate whether or not to tell him. I’m not exactly thrilled with my brother right now. Not after the way he pushed me over and over to ignore my instincts because he supposedly knew best.

Except, as it turns out, I was right the whole time. I was right, and he was wrong, and now Caelan won’t even fucking look at us. And I don’t blame him. If I found my Fated Mate right before getting so injured I had to be placed in a fucking coma, and found out she was treated as anything less than a fucking queen when I finally woke up, I’d lose my shit, too.

I’m a thousand percent sure the only reason he didn’t rip out our throats with his bare hands is because it would’ve scared Idril.

When the silence gets too heavy, I respond to Dax’s question with a shrug before admitting, “Just feels like there’s something out there. Watching me.”

“That’s your guilt,” he sighs. “There’s nothing out there.”

I grind my fucking teeth together so hard I’m pretty sure I’m about to break a molar.

“For fucking once, do you think you could maybe take what I say seriously?” I snap.

I’m so angry. At Dax, at myself, at the world.

I feel like I’ve lost something. Something that was never even mine to begin with. There’s a gaping hole inside of me now, one that wouldn’t be there if I’d just listened to my instincts; I’m sure of it.

But I didn’t. I listened to Daxen. And now everything is singularly fucked up because of it.

Instead of responding, he stands to his full height and swipes a hand down the front of his shirt like he's checking for wrinkles. “I told the wolf to have Caelan meet me in the control room in ten. I found some shit you’ll both want to see.”

With that, he turns on his heel and walks away, crossing my room with a purposeful stride—stepping all over my clothes on his way out.