Page 129 of In Darkness We Claim

Harper gasps for air in between sobs, her eyes flicking between me and the floor as she wraps her arms around herself. Just yesterday she was looking at me with so much love, and now it’s all gone. There’s only darkness in her beautiful blue eyes, and I’m the reason for that.

Bile rises in my throat, and I struggle to keep control as repulsion slivers through my veins like poison, destroying the last pieces of good that came from having Harper in my life.

As a loud sob catches in her throat, I know I can’t watch this anymore. I have to get out of here. Keeping up the facade, I roll my eyes at Harper like she’s being dramatic before pulling her to her feet. She stumbles slightly, but manages to remain standing.

“Stop crying and get the fuck out, now. Or I’ll throw you out as you are,” I snarl.

She looks down at the thin robe covering her otherwise naked body and lets out a small sigh as she stumbles towards the door. I’m sure Bram is waiting on the other side with clothes and shoes, but I pretend I don’t know that.

With her fingers on the door handle, she turns to look at me over her shoulder, catching me unaware, and for a fraction of a second, I’m sure she can see the pain burning in my silver gaze, but I cover it as quickly as I can, hoping she missed it. With my cold, emotionless glare in place, she looks away from me, not able to stomach seeing me staring at her in that way, and I don’t fucking blame her.

As she leaves, the pain in her eyes is there for all to see, alongside all the unanswered questions. How were we talking about our feelings yesterday, and today, I’m kicking her out like I hate her? I’m sure she’s confused, but it’s for the best.

With each step she takes away from me, I take in every inch of the gorgeous body that I’ve had the pleasure of being able to worship over the last couple of months. I lock the images safe in my memories, knowing I’m going to need them, as this is the last time I’ll ever see her again.

My life is about to change for the worst, and all I’m left with are the memories of a time when I was genuinely happy. For the first time in as long as I can remember, tears fill my eyes, and they quickly fall as I mourn the loss of the only person who has ever really loved me.

Pain unlike anything I’ve ever felt before rips through my body, and it genuinely feels like my heart is being fractured into thousands of tiny pieces, with no hope of ever being made whole again.

I allow myself a moment to fall apart, to grieve the loss of something I didn’t even know I wanted, yet now feels so fucking deep. I’ll give myself a short time to wallow, and then I need to find a way to gather up the pieces of my broken heart and move on with my life, even if it seems impossible right now.

Besides, I don’t deserve to feel even an ounce of happiness after what I just did to the only girl I’ve ever cared about. I deserve to rot in a loveless marriage, hating everything about my life, which is ironic, as that’s exactly the future that’s been planned for me.