Page 116 of In Darkness We Claim

“Did you mean it when you said you’re mine? Or were you just saying it because I said I belonged to you?” She looks up at me, her big beautiful eyes so full of hope that it makes my heart ache.

“I meant it. I’ve always belonged to you, even when you didn’t know it. But…I’m not sure that will be enough,” I tell her, hating the way her brow furrows.

“What do you mean?”

I let out a sigh, cursing myself for ruining the moment before it’s even really fucking started, but Harper deserves the truth, no matter how ugly it is.

“How we feel doesn’t change things. You are my Prize, and when we graduate, our time together will end. It’s always been that way. No amount of feelings will change that.”

I brace myself, waiting for her to get upset, but she just smiles at me as if she didn’t hear what I said, and now it’s my turn to look confused.

“Graduation is half a year away. A lot can happen in that time. I’m not saying we won’t end the way you say, but I’m not going to spend the next few months worrying about it. I’m yours and you’re mine, and that’s what I’m going to hold on to,” she says, sounding so fucking sure of herself that I almost buy into it. I want to believe in it so badly, but I’m worried that burying our heads in the sand will only hurt us more in the long run.

But that’s a worry for Future Lawson to deal with, because tonight, I’m going to enjoy taking everything my girl is willing to give me.

Just as I’m about to capture her lips in a silent promise of more, my phone alerts. I mutter a curse as I reach over and grab it, instantly wishing I hadn’t. My father is summoning me to meet him tomorrow morning, and his tone—even through a text—leaves no room for argument. So I reply, telling him I’ll be there, then I put my phone on silent and throw it onto the floor, out of the way.

I don’t want any more distractions. I just want a night of exploring every inch of the body I now know will always belong to me. I’m going to come up with as many ways of marking her as mine as I can. And as Harper sucks against my pulse point, I realise she’s doing the same, claiming me as hers for all to see.

I’ve never enjoyed sharing my space with someone. Call me a spoiled, entitled rich kid, but it’s the truth. I’ve never even brought a girl back to my room at Crowhurst House, let alone had someone stay over. And I sure as shit haven’t stayed the night with any of the girls I’ve fucked over the years, preferring to leave as soon as possible afterwards.

Yet all that changed with Harper. At first, I told myself I wanted her here for easy access, nothing more. It was convenient having her in my bed, so I could fuck her any time I wanted. But as much as I try to tell myself otherwise, that stopped being true a while ago.

I quickly learnt that I sleep better with her by my side than I have in years. No matter where we start at the beginning of the night, by the time I wake up, we’re a mess of limbs, connected in nearly every way. My large body curled around her slight frame, holding her close, as if even in sleep I’m afraid to let her go.

There’s something so warm and comforting about having her petite, soft body against mine, and I never saw it coming. I’m not a cuddler, and have always preferred my own space, yet with Harper, it’s like I can’t hold her close enough.

I’m very aware, after the conversation we recently had, that my thoughts are extremely dangerous. But I’m starting to resent the idea that we have no future together, and I can’t help wondering if I can change that. It’s a fucking dangerous thought to have, and it hinges on far more hope than I’d care to admit, but I can’t stop myself.

This whole thing is unfamiliar to me, and it’s bloody terrifying. My parents are the textbook definition of a loveless marriage, and neither of them has ever shown me anything that could be labelled as parental love. I’ve always known I exist simply to carry on the Radley family name, and that they had me out of duty, not some great urge to be parents.

So I don’t exactly know what love is, or what it means to have someone love me. Until I met Bram, I didn’t even know what it was like to give a shit about someone other than myself. My parents being the horrible arseholes they are, meant it was easy not to give a shit about them, since that’s how they felt about me.

With Bram, he latched onto me, and no matter how much I tried to push him away, he held on tighter. There’s something so easily likeable about him, it almost came naturally. I quickly realised I enjoyed spending time with him, and whenever he came home with cuts and bruises from one of his underground fights, I felt rage on his behalf.

He was the first person to burrow under the walls I constructed around my cold, black heart, and I truly care about him. He showed me what it’s like to trust another person, to put your life in their hands, and he’s the only person I genuinely know would have my back, no matter the situation.

Harper tunnelled her way in just as easily, but in a very different way to Bram. With her, I have an overwhelming urge to protect her, to keep her safe from anyone who even thinks about threatening her, but it’s more than that too. The possessiveness I have for her borders on obsessive, and the need to claim her in every way only seems to grow each day.

It’s not enough for her to say she’s mine, or for me to know she is. I want the entire world to know. I want to make sure that anyone who even casts a glance her way will know she belongs to me. No arsehole will even consider hitting on her, or they risk my wrath.

But the problem with feeling that way is…it’s temporary. I can’t stop time, and as much as I may want to change our future, it won’t be easy. It would mean risking everything I’ve spent my life working towards, and it might leave me with nothing.

Since I’m not sure I’m willing to risk losing everything over a long shot, I keep pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind, telling myself it’s a worry for another day. Right now, I can just enjoy the time I have with Harper, and ignore the large ticking clock hanging over our heads.

The alert on my watch has me groaning, as I remember the summons I received last night from my father. I set the alarm on my watch so I wouldn’t wake up Harper. I know myself well enough to be certain that if she wakes up, batting those sleepy, gorgeous eyes at me, I won’t be able to tear myself away, and there’s nothing my father hates more than tardiness.

I move slowly and quietly, trying my hardest not to disturb her as I climb out of bed, making sure she remains wrapped up in the covers once I’m out. She looks so fucking peaceful when she’s asleep, her long, curly hair seeming almost wild when it’s fanned out over the pillow and down her back. Her plump lips form a little O as soft snores escape.

Another fucking watch reminder has me stomping quietly into the bathroom, picking up some clothes on my way. Once I’m done, dressed in my usual jeans, T-shirt, and hoodie, I head back out into the bedroom. I pick up my phone and keys, throw on the baseball cap I know will piss my father off, before leaving a note for Harper, explaining where I’m going. I emphasise that I expect her to be here when I return.

What I don’t say is that I’ll be monitoring her using the secret cameras she still doesn’t know about. And since I’m absolutely certain she wouldn’t approve of them, I don’t see any need to inform her.

As I place the note on her bedside table, I can’t resist leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips. I pull away much quicker than I’d like after hearing her soft moan, but I freeze as she shuffles around in her sleep.

Once I’m completely certain she’s not waking up, I turn and head for the door. I send Bram a quick message, letting him know where I’m going and that Harper is in my room in Crowhurst House. Without spelling it out for him, he knows I’m asking him to watch over her.

Although the majority of Crow Pledges have respect for the hierarchy—which I’m at the top of—there are some, namely Ryan and those bitches, Tillie and Sienna, that I don’t fucking trust. The last thing I want is for something to happen to Harper while I’m not here to help.