Page 6 of Once I Find You

We finish up, and he takes my business card with him so he can recommend me to some of his friends. Well, easy enough money and he was nice. Plus, all the better if he supports both of my businesses.

The rain hammers against the shutters of my apartment and the metal roof of the garage. I guess it’s peaceful. I chose to move all the way here because I didn’t mind the idea of rainy weather most of the year. It drowns out all the other noise of life. I need the noise or else I’ll sit and think too much. I have a habit of getting stuck in my own head.

I guess I have no hobbies, except for working on cars, killing, and working out. I don’t enjoy watching movies, I don’t enjoy strolls on the beach, and I certainly don’t enjoy meeting new people and going out to socialize.

It’s just me and…

“No Bacon, you ate already,” I say sternly as he whines by his food bowl, as if I starve him. He just stares at me with his sad, desperate eyes until I finally sigh and get up. “Fine, one more goddamn treat. But that’s it, you beggar.” His tail wags while I open the plastic treat jar and I toss him his favorite bacon-flavored treats.

As much as I didn’t want a pet at all…I guess it’s nice to have something to take care of. If he wasn’t here, I’d just be talking to myself; stuck in a never-ending routine, alone in my head.

Bacon kind of fell into my lap. This homeless man was sitting on the median with a puppy, and a sign offering him for ten bucks. It pissed me off, and I passed him, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what kind of terrible fucking person could buy a vulnerable puppy for so cheap, and what could happen.

So, I turned the fuck around. I was on the road, and I had nothing to take care of a dog. I stopped at a diner and brought him a side of bacon after I ate, and he barked at the smell of it.

Hence the name. He’s a bit of a mutt, but he’s loyal, like me.

“Okay? I gotta get some shit done now,” I say as I pet his head and make myself go get the guest room cleaned out a bit for Mason.

As I move shit around, I can’t help but be reminded that I have to move that box. The one I’ve been avoiding since I moved in here and put it out of sight in the guest room. My eyes keep finding it, and I can’t stop myself from walking over and opening the lid.

I sigh and pick up the broken picture frame that lays atop everything else and wipe the light layer of dust off the glass. The feeling I get when I see them is just… too hard to bear.

I knew I couldn’t stay in the army any longer after I lost them. I wasn’t myself anymore. It was something I should’ve done long before, so I could’ve been there for them. If I had been there like she asked me to be, they’d still be alive.

“Sorry,” I mutter, my hand touching the glass. I’ve said it a million times, but it never makes anything better. It can’t bring them back.

When I was pulled aside as I led recruits in training, I already knew something was wrong. It didn’t matter who was around; I dropped to my knees, and for the first and only time in my life, I sobbed.

Losing them turned my entire fucking world upside down. I’ve had four years now to cope, but it’ll never get easier. All I can do now is make a difference for them. Be a better man. Be there for people who need me. I’ll never make that selfish mistake again.

If I have to kill every person who made the same mistake as the one who killed them, I’ll do it. I’ll eliminate every fucking predator that exists, to make a world where no one has to feel the way I’ve been made to feel; this overwhelming emptiness and sorrow that haunts me and follows me relentlessly.

I set the frame down gently back into the box and put the lid back on. I bring it to the front room, setting it in the small utility closet by the front door and closing the door. Maybe one day I’ll be able to hang up the photo. I just don’t know how to face them yet.

CHAPTER FOUR

My First Orgasm

LAYLA

When my phone alarm goes off, I groan and click the side button to silence it. I stretch as I sit up, wiping my tired eyes and helping myself out of my bed.

I've been looking forward to today all week—I have a custom cake order for a bridal shower! It's the first time I get to do something as important as this.

When I was a kid, I loved art. I used to draw and paint on any and every object I wasn’t allowed to. After…well, I stopped for a long time. Sometime after the court hearing, I went to this group therapy hosted for all ages, and I was introduced to decoden art. I instantly fell in love, and knew then I wanted to find a way to make it something I could actually do when I grew up. Of course, the next best thing was cake decorating, and I knew for sure that besides being able to do something I liked and was good at, that I’d be able to have my cake and eat it too.

Maybe I should’ve been a comedian?

Anyway, one day, it’ll be my own bakery. But for now, I did accomplish my dream of growing up and working at a bakery where I get to decorate all kinds of cakes. It took a lot of practice, but I want to be the person who everyone wants their special cakes from.

I smile as I pick out my outfit for the day, landing on my favorite light blue jeans and a light purple jacket. I adjust my jacket a dozen times in the mirror before shaking my head with a sigh.

“Not today, Layla. You have to be confident today,” I remind myself, and release a breath, turning to grab my purse and hurry out the door.

It’s still foggy and rainy today, but the view is beautiful as I enjoy the window seat in the bus. I’m a ball of excitement as I finally reach my stop, quickly walking the two blocks to work, Hudson’s Bakery. It’s a cute place, focusing more on being a dine-in bakery and café, but the people in town know we offer specialty cakes for all kinds of events.

“Good morning, Jenna!” I chime as I walk past the counter.