Page 48 of Once I Find You

“Ah! Okay! I’ll tell the girls you’re okay then, they were worried too. I mean, Gabi was worried because you went MIA, and you know how she is. She thought maybe something bad happened.”

“No! Just…normal things! I have to work today, so I probably won’t catch up with the chat until tonight. Shit, I have to hurry up actually,” I say, looking up at the clock.

“Okay! Talk later, lover girl,” she teases as she hangs up.

Ugh. I feel like everything in my life is catching up to me. I haven’t emailed my therapist back, either. It’s hard to lie to everyone. The only person I can be honest with is Crystal…and she’s busy now. I don’t really want to overload her when she’s trying to work on a new relationship, too.

Will I ever be able to really keep this secret forever? I’m so terrified I’m going to blurt it out to the first person who asks me the right question. I guess Kane is right to be angry at me.

Today was a productive day; on the bus ride to work, I called back my therapist to reschedule our next appointment for a few days from today. I guess I’ll have to practice my ability to not spill my guts again for it. At work, I was able to make a few cute custom cake orders at the bakery and took some more for the next few weeks.

Now, I’m working on the ritual of organizing my leftover icing colors to save for the future so I don’t waste them, which is honestly kind of relaxing.

“Hey! I’m glad you’re still here,” Jenna calls out, walking into the back. “I wanted to let you know, we’re gonna be closed Wednesday through Friday this week because we had a death in the family, so all of us are going to be driving down to Redding. I know it’s last minute, so I’m sorry.”

“Oh no, it’s totally okay, I’m so sorry to hear that!” Well, it isn’t really okay, because I need my full hours to pay bills. But…it’s family, so I have to be understanding. I guess that’s a risk you take working for a business owned by a family you’re not in.

“It’s okay.” She waves her hand. “No big deal, we weren’t close. But my parents are making us all go and they insisted on closing up.”

“Um, but I do have a big cupcake order on Thursday?” I remind her.

“Oh shit! Hm, well, it’s okay. Here.” She digs in her purse, and hands me a set of keys. “These are mine, so don’t lose them. I’m not coming in tomorrow anyway, so I won’t need them ‘til we’re back next Monday. Just make sure you keep everything locked.”

“Oh, sure, thank you. I’ll be careful.”

“Anyway, I think it’s just Isobel and Clark tomorrow, but they’ll make sure the till is empty and everything else is done. I’ll tell Clark to keep the security system off for you, so the alarm won’t go off when you come in. Dad won’t let us give the code out, obviously. Okay, I gotta go or else Isobel will leave my ass here,” she huffs with a smile, and waves as she runs back around the corner and back to the front of the store.

Well, I guess I get to at least clock in when I come bake the cupcakes…but missing twenty-four hours of work is gonna suck. I’m barely going to be able to pay my phone bill as it is…and I can’t ask for another extension on my electricity bill. Ugh, I don’t want to ask for help. Kane told me to…but I don’t like it. What if he feels used?

No, it’s okay. Maybe I’ll just be really careful and use up my ramen supply this week, and then maybe Kane will make dinner again when I get to see him. I’ll take the leftover sandwiches from the display home today, too. I only just got Kane to open up more to the idea of me, and I don’t want to spoil it by being even more needy than I already am.

I try to finish up quickly to make the next bus, and when I walk outside, the rain is already starting again. It’s beautiful outside; the fall leaves now cover the pavement and give pretty little pops of orange and yellow all over. It reminds me that I should go to the pumpkin patch early to get a big one before they’re all gone.

Every year, the pumpkin patch opens two weeks before Halloween, and every year, I’m always busy and miss out on the first few days. But…since the store is gonna be closed, maybe I can go this year. Maybe Kane would come with me?

I giggle to myself, imagining someone like him walking around a pumpkin patch picking one out. As I sit at the bus stop, my phone rings, and my heart soars when I see his name across the screen. He’s calling me? This is a first!

“Hi!”

“I see you left work, are you alright? Are you walking to the bus?” his deep voice asks, almost strained.

“Huh? How would you see that I left work?”

“I shared your location with myself last night after you went to the bathroom.”

What? Did he? I pull the phone away from my face and quickly go to the app on my smartphone and…wow. He actually did. And…his is here too. Why am I smiling so wide? “Oh, okay.”

“I’m on my way, so don’t get on the bus. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Don’t talk to anyone.”

He’s so…intense right now. I wonder why? “Okay. I’ll wait, I promise. I’ll just sit on a bench out of the rain.”

He hangs up, and I excitedly keep checking the app to check how close he is as I wait. I make sure to hop into the group chat, though I don’t think I’ll have time to reply to everyone. I laugh when I see Wen telling everyone I have a new boyfriend and I’m too cool for the weekend calls now.

Me

I’m gonna see him right now, I promise I’ll catch up tomorrow!

Maybe I should text Crys too. Well, I’m sure she’ll blow my phone up when she sees me there again anyway.