Page 33 of Lemon Drop

His eyes tangled with mine. “Then what the fuck you doing right now?”

Tears blinded me, suddenly. Frustrated, I wiped them away. “I don’t know! I don’t know, Saadiq. That’s the problem. I don’t know if I did this because I was hurt. I don’t know if I’ve been lying to myself for six years about being in control. I don’t know if I’ve been getting into relationships to hide from what I feel so I could keep my job.”

“Topaz—”

“Cuz let’s talk about that, Saadiq. You are my boss. This is my career. Working for this company is part of the plan I have for my life. Hell, you are part of the plan, but not like this. You were never supposed to be like this.”

The instant the words left my mouth, I knew I fucked up. Saadiq’s face iced over. “‘You were never supposed to be like this.’” He repeated it softly. “Wow.”

I shook my head, felt my eyes widen. “No. Saadiq! That’s not what I meant.”

“I heard you.” He walked toward his desk.

“Saadiq.”

“Take the time off, Topaz,” he said icily.

I stared at his back. “What?”

“The two weeks, at least. Take them.”

Cold washed over me. “You… are you sending me away?”

His body stiffened. “Nah, Topaz. I’m giving you exactly what you apparently need, shorty. Space to figure out whether fucking me was the worst decision you ever made.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“You ain’t have to.”

He finally turned around and my heart dropped. This was not my Saadiq. All the warmth, the teasing smile, the appreciation in his eyes, all of it was gone. He just looked… empty. Even the anger I expected wasn’t there. Nah, not my Saadiq. This was Mr. Masters, my boss.

“I didn’t say—” I started again weakly.

“Let’s go over what you did say, Topaz. You said you don’t know why you did it. You said it was a mistake. You said I wasn’t supposed to be this to you. What exactly you want me to do with all that?”

Cold brown eyes peered into mine. I didn’t know the answer.

His mouth tightened. “That’s what I thought.”

He picked up his phone. He was dismissing me, and that hurt.

“Saadiq…”

He looked at me again. “I been waiting years for you to come to me, Topaz. I never crossed that line because I knew if anything ever happened between us, you had to choose it. You had to choose me. I didn’t want you feeling pressured or scared or none of that. I thought you finally did, and now you standing in my office looking at me like you wish you hadn’t.”

“I’m not!” I protested.

“You don’t even know what the fuck you wish right now, shorty.”

That shut me up, because he was right. Saadiq looked away first.

“Go home, Topaz.”

No “Apple.” I dressed quickly, fighting the burn of unshed tears the whole time. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I straightened my back and made sure to lift my head high. At the door, I finally looked back.

He was standing behind his desk, staring out at the city.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.