Page 76 of AMS.TER.strum
Shit, I dropped the b-bomb, when we haven’t discussed what we are, but I’ll worry about this later.
Her mouth opens and closes, not a sound coming out, as what she’s just heard starts sinking in. ‘Now distraction makes even more sense…’
I jump up with a huffed laugh, surprised I don’t topple the chair. ‘I can’t win for losing, can I? But right now, I’ve got an upset stomach. Trying to digest shit sits well with exactly nobody, so allow me to take the rest of the day off before I throw up all over your desk.’
Her expression turns horrified, as if I’m about to barf for real. To my surprise, she says nothing, so I consider this my cue to leave. Before I exit the snake pit, my hand on the doorknob, I turn towards her.
‘If you have real issues with me, feel free to snitch to HR. Just make sure you have some real proof of poor performance. If not, back the hell off!’
The only reason the glass door doesn’t crash when I bang it shut behind me is its slow-shutting mechanism. I can’t return to my post fast enough and grab my stuff, after I log out of the system and send a message to HR that I’m feeling poorly, just in case Wanda decides to tell them I bolted.
‘What’s wrong?’ Ricardo asks, alarmed.
‘Shit hit the fan. If I don’t see you tomorrow, let’s grab a coffee soon, okay?’
‘Okay, but…are you all right?’
‘I will be.’
I make a run for the lift; my anger and disgust from the unfairness has morphed into tears, and there’s no way I’ll allow fucking Wanda to see me crying. When the doors open again at the ground floor, I can’t get to my bike fast enough and frantically cycle home.
Although it’s not too late, the streets are quiet. The sweet aroma of the just-flowered linden trees that I always make a point to pass by, especially at this time of the year, does little to soothe my rage, and I need Luuk’s hug. I open the door carefully, whispering his name to not startle him.
A moment later, he appears, leaning on his crutches. ‘What are you doing here so early?’
‘I abandoned ship.’
‘Is UN-tourist sinking? Great to have you back sooner, though.’
‘No, but guess who I was tempted to throttle.’ My voice catches in my throat.
‘What’s wrong?’ Luuk leaves one crutch against the wall for me to walk into his arms.
His soft voice, his embrace, the scent of citrus and cedar that is him, make the flimsy layer of glue that held everything together vanish, and my keep-it-togetherness falls apart.
I know it’s not just stupid Wanda. The woman is a horrible human being, but it’s fear that I feel hidden behind everything since… Johan died, really. Knowing something can turn my life upside down—until a miracle happens, followed by more tough times—and then this gift called Luuk Meiers, who I want to hold on to but don’t know how. And Wanda ruining our perfect moments together is the one piece that makes the precariously stacked Jenga tower tumble.
‘How about we make ourselves a bit more comfortable?’
When Luuk heads for the bedroom, I follow. I let him take me in his arms when he lies down and covers us with the fleece throw. He peppers kisses on my hair, inhaling deeply, and at some point, my breath starts to sync with his.
‘Now… wanna tell me about it?’
Chapter Thirty-Eight
2023
Luuk
Corrie
Hey there, famous friend! 😉
Corrie
It appears that someone sent me this.
The photo of a very familiar fanned-out pack of paint swatches follows her comment, her hand holding them like cards for a game of poker, with the background of her garden, only the hues of autumn visible, due to the camera’s focus.
