Page 19 of Insta [FAM]

DION

“Where the hell have you been?” Amelia asks when I walk in through the door. “Where’s Lola, is she dead?” My sister is looking for the rabbit. I’m sure that, besides my kids, she’s the only person who likes Lola.

“God, I wish. No, she’s not dead, she’s staying at the vet.” I shut the door, knowing the kids will be asleep.

“What took so long?” I was hoping she’d have let that go, but nope.

“I was talking to Mika,” I say. Realizing my sister knows me, I add, “About the bunny and the gas and how sick she could get.”

“Bullshit, but if that’s your story, you can roll with it,” she says. “Also, your shirt is inside-out.” Fuck.

“I had to evacuate my house, I just grabbed something so I didn’t end up on the internet in my bra this time.”

“It wasn’t inside-out when you dropped the kids off earlier, and you’re not wearing a bra — nice talk with the vet then? Hmm?” I don’t even try to lie to her. She fills two cups with fresh coffee and hands one to me. It’s too late to go to bed but too early to get up, so coffee it is then. She just looks at me over the brim of her cup, waiting for me to spill my guts. She knows I will, I can’t keep a secret even if my life depended on it.

“We have an arrangement now, I think it will work for both of us.” She snort-laughs into her cup. “I will be less of a bitch at work tomorrow, you can thank him later.”

“Oh, I know, I could see it on your face, but I want details.”

“They’re awkward and strange — probably best not shared. But—” I use my hands to indicate just how well-endowed Mika is. “That bit about big feet and hands, is not a myth. Fucking hell, it was like trying to squash marshmallows in a piggy-bank.” I know I’m going to curse his big dick when I get in the bath or need a pee because the tenderness in my lady-bits is real right now. I shift around to get comfortable on the seat in my sister's breakfast nook.

“That big?” she says, watching me trying to get comfortable.

“His wonder-wand is in proportion to the rest of him. Extra large.”

“You did not just call it that!” My sister doubles over, laughing at me. “If I liked men I might be tempted by that one. Wonder-wand. Can Olivia put that in her schmexy books?” She grabs the coffee pot, puts it on the table and sits down opposite me. “I knew that fight between you two was headed for a roll in the hay, the tension was just too much.”

“It’s a FWB situation.” I clear it up, because I’m not dating, that is a shitshow I’m not prepared to put up with, but I like to get laid, and he is a good lay. I also know he is too busy to be a pain in my ass, so this will work out just fine for me.

“Oh, like that is it?” She doesn’t seem to be buying what I’m selling. “What happens when one of you catches feelings and fucks it all up?” Amelia looks at me, waiting for a response. “Because someone always catches feels, it’s a fact. Proven by the Hallmark movies.” Which she is way too invested in.

“If he catches feelings, we will just go back to being passive-aggressive internet enemies.” I have already thought about that.

“You think you’re immune to feelings?” she asks, raising her eyebrows.

“Have you met me? I don’t even catch the flu; I’m not going to get all stupid over a man.”

“You are fighting with him on Instagram — want to rephrase that ‘stupid’ bit?”

“Fuck you.” I kick her under the table. “Bitch, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Look, if you get laid and are less of a miserable bitch to work with then I don’t care who puts their marshmallows in your piggy bank.” She shakes her head. “Your InstaFam diaries have been really good for business anyway, so you need to keep that shit going.” I wasn’t going to, but it could be fun. Maybe keeping Mika angry will keep him horny. It’s worked so far.

* * *

I have three hours free this afternoon with no kids. Wanna come over ;)

Can’t I’m working. The clinic is overflowing. You can blame yourself.

Tomorrow? I have 11:30 to 1 open?

I have surgeries scheduled tomorrow all day.

Fuck it, I give up. That’s been the theme of us trying to find enough time to get together and well, get-together. By the time Friday rolls around I’m so annoyed and horny, I call Mika as soon as I drop my kids at school.

“Dion?” he answers cautiously.

“No,” I say. “It’s some other woman you gave your private number to.” He doesn’t respond, I don’t think he has a sense of humor.