Page 71 of Playing Pretend

The look in Caleb’s eyes, the hardness on his face, made me want to backtrack. Now. I didn’t want him to think I was asking for more.

I placed my hands and tried to lift myself from his lap. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget I brought it up, okay?”

He stopped me, and sat up, bringing us nose-to-nose. “You didn’t let me finish,” he admonished in a low voice.

“Just forget -” Caleb cut me off by placing his finger on my mouth.

“Do you want me to define what we are?” he asked.

I sagged against him. “No, I’d rather you didn’t. I don’t expect -”

“Well, I’m going to anyway.” Caleb relaxed, and put a sliver of distance between us. I stiffened in response, preparing myself for the part where Caleb told me what we had was pretend. “I haven’t had a girlfriend since middle school, and I know that I have a history of bedding numerous women,” – I so did not like where this was going – “But I think what we have here is a little past pretending. This thing between us, it not only affects us, but Braelynn too, and every choice I make has to be in her best interest as well as my own. It would never be my intention to hurt you, but I also can’t promise you anything right now.” I felt it, that first fissure in my chest. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to enjoy this, whatever it is, because what we have right now, is the realest thing I’ve felt in years.”

Our eyes remained locked, and I searched for some kind of truth. I was afraid I’d never find it.

“You’re not just a fuck to me, Kadence.” He said those words as if he knew I needed to hear them. “I care about you.”

“I care about you too,” I whispered, and God was it the truth. “And Braelynn.”

“Then why do I get the feeling you’re not completely convinced?”

Just be genuine, I told myself. But wasn’t that what would get me hurt in the end? Maybe so, but I’d always worn my heart on my sleeve, and I didn’t know how else to be. I’d never changed who I was for a man, and I wasn’t about to start now.

“Because I’ve spent the last five years waiting for something bad to happen, and I’m usually never wrong.”

Caleb touched my lip. “There’s always a first time, and this might just be it.”