Page 83 of Chasing Smoke
He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, then kisses my temple. “If I haven’t said it before, I want to say it now—your strength amazes me.”
I let out a sad sort of chuckle. “I’m not that strong, believe me. Sometimes it feels like I take a step forward, then I’m forced a few steps back. It’s going to take me some time to digest everything you told me about those text messages. But at least now I feel like I know everything, and I can really start to move forward. No more surprises.” I give him a watery smile.
Ansel hugs me tightly. I hate that just when I was better, I got thrown this curveball, but Ansel’s right, I’m strong. I’ll get to the other side, hopefully with Ansel by my side.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Ansel
Aweek has passed since Collins gave me permission to talk to Fowler about Caleb cheating and having a kid. Our schedules haven’t aligned, and he’s been busy at the bar, working almost every day, so this morning is the first time I’ve gotten to see him more than just in passing.
I’m in the kitchen, putting away my breakfast dishes, when he walks in. His dirty-blond hair is a riot of waves, and he’s only wearing his boxers.
“You’re alive. I was starting to wonder.” I lean back against the counter.
“Barely.” He scratches his chest.
“There’s still coffee.” I motion toward the coffee pot I brewed a couple of hours ago.
“Thanks.” He yawns, walking over to the cupboard and grabbing a mug. He pours himself a cup and takes a big gulp right away.
I’ve been considering the best way to get into the Caleb thing with him. I’m not sure how he’ll react. He was as close to Caleb as I was, and I know he’ll feel as conflicted and betrayed as I do.
“The bar still busy?”
He nods as he turns around. “Yeah. Business is up with the pub in Hillside closing, and Emelia’s added all kinds of events geared at tourism to the calendar, so that has more people visiting Echo Lake. It’s great, helps pay the bills, but it doesn’t help when I have to keep firing my staff. How can it be this fucking hard to find someone who knows how to pour drinks and not be a dick to the customers?” He shakes his head and takes another sip of his coffee.
“Damn, you had to let someone else go?”
He sits at the kitchen table. “Yeah, a couple of days ago.”
“That sucks. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.” I walk over to the table and set down my coffee, leaning with both hands on the back of the chair across from him.
“Well, if you know anyone looking for a job in the service industry, send them my way. It’d be nice not to have to work fourteen-hour days, seven days a week.” He shakes his head in frustration.
“Will do.” I blow out a breath. “Listen, I have to talk to you about something.”
He frowns. “I can’t do serious, man. You look intense right now.”
“Sorry, but I have to, and you’re probably not going to like what I have to talk to you about.”
Fowler shifts in his seat, leaning back and groaning. “Give it.”
“It’s about Caleb.” I pull the chair out and sit.
His frown deepens. “Collins? What’s happening with the two of you?”
When I’ve seen him these past couple of months, he hasn’t really asked about her. I figure it’s because he’s uncomfortable with the idea of the two of us having feelings for each other. And I get it. If the roles were reversed, I would probably feel the same.
I don’t want my relationship with Collins to come between our friendship, but I’d be lying if I said that I don’t feel some distance between us lately. I’ve told myself that it’s because he’s working so much that we haven’t seen each other, but maybe that’s the reason.
“She’s doing okay… as well as can be expected, I guess. Things with us are still on a bit of a pause until she works through what she needs to.”
He shakes his head. “It’s still a mindfuck to think of the two of you together, but I’m glad she has you to be there for her.”
I nod. “I know it’s weird. I get it. I just don’t want it to get in between the two of us.”
“It won’t. It’s just going to take some time to wrap my head around it, that’s all.” He brings his coffee to his lips.
