Page 45 of Chasing Smoke

“Does it matter? It shouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

“I know you, Collins. If I had to guess, this isn’t just about physical attraction, am I right?” she says, and I nod. “That’s what I thought.”

“The more time we spend together, the more I feel drawn to him. He’s a good man. I enjoy spending time with him, and you’d have to be blind not to see how good-looking he is.”

“Amen to that.” Her eyebrows draw up to her hairline.

“But what will people think? I mean, I don’t even know what this really is or what it has the potential of becoming, but I can’t pretend that there won’t be some backlash.”

She nods. Echo Lake is small, and the Mercer family is a big deal here because of Roy. “Did you have any kind of romantic feelings for Ansel before Caleb died?”

I shake my head. “No. Never.”

Nina shrugs. “Well then, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s been eighteen months.”

“I know, but what will other people think?” I take a healthy sip of my wine.

“Fuck ’em.”

I slap a hand over my mouth to stop my wine from squirting out. I manage to swallow it. “What?”

“Screw anyone who thinks it’s their job to judge you. You guys have done nothing wrong, and the people who really know you will know that’s the truth.”

I bite my lip. “I don’t know if I can handle everyone’s judgment. Just the thought makes me want to pack up the house and move.”

Though I hate to admit it, it’s the truth. I’d love to be more like Nina and not care what other people think of me, but it’s just not who I am.

“You’ve already survived something even worse.” Her eyes hold mine.

She’s right. Losing my husband so young is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to get through.

The hotel invoice comes to mind, but I don’t mention it to her. I’m not sure why. I’ve already admitted that I have feelings for my dead husband’s best friend. What could be worse than that?

Finding out your dead husband was cheating on you, and you had no idea.

I push the thought away as soon as it enters my brain.

“All that said… I think you should be careful.”

“What do you mean?” That isn’t what I expected her to say.

She blows out a breath and reaches for her wineglass on the coffee table. “You’ve been through so much, and you’ve only just begun to dig yourself out from under all that grief.” Her free hand goes up. “Which I think is amazing, absolutely. You need to move forward with your life. But I think you should take your time before you fall for someone—whether that be Ansel or someone else.”

“You think I’m not ready?”

Her lips press together for a beat. “No. I don’t. And maybe I’m wrong, but you were stuck for so long that I just want to make sure you’re not using Ansel as a distraction.” Nina rocks her head back and forth. “Regardless of how worthy a distraction he might be.”

I allow her words to settle for a moment, sitting with them and seeing how they feel. She has a point. Things are moving quickly. If I’m going to do this with Ansel, I need to be sure.

Absolutely sure.

Because there will be consequences. For both of us. And none of them good.

I nod at her. “How will I know when I’m actually ready?”

She sips her wine, thinking, and when I think an idea pops into her head, she sits up ramrod straight. “How about a checklist?”

My forehead wrinkles. “A checklist?”