Page 24 of Chasing Smoke

I walk over to the desk. It seems like as good as any spot to start.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket the moment I sit in the desk chair. I smile, seeing Nina’s name on the screen.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Jacob and I just finished making slime, so that was fun.”

Her sarcasm makes me laugh. “I’m sorry, did you say slime?”

“Yup.” She pops the p at the end. “Apparently it was all the rage, like, a decade ago, but one of his friends at school was watching YouTube and thought it was his job to get the whole kindergarten class into it,” she groans.

“What kindergartener is watching YouTube?” I pick up a pile of paper near my hand and glance at it, seeing that it’s a set of bills Caleb had paid and written confirmation numbers on. All of them pertain to his post digging company.

“Oh, sweet summer child, you wouldn’t believe how many kindergarteners are on YouTube.”

I chuckle. The familiar pang of regret that Caleb and I didn’t have a child tugs at my chest.

“Anyway, what are you up to?” Nina asks.

“I decided that I’m going to go through Caleb’s office today.”

Silence descends over the line. “Wow, good for you. Do you want some help? I can drag Jacob and his slime over and give you a hand. Even if it’s just emotional support.”

I smile even though she can’t see me. “Thanks, but I’ve got this. I think today will be mostly going through bills and stuff. I’m starting with the desk.”

She blows out a breath. “First his clothes and now the office. I think it’s great, don’t get me wrong, but what’s with this quick turnaround?”

I understand why she’s asking. She’s been on me for the better part of a year, offering her assistance to help me go through some of this stuff.

“It was something Ansel said to me.”

“Oh, wow. What wisdom did the buff firefighter with the dreamy smile give that’s so much better than mine?”

I chuckle. Nina, like most of the women in town, has a crush on Ansel. Even though she’s single, she’d never act on it. She equates it to that saying never meet your heroes, but for her, it’s never fuck your crushes. I remember I once offered to set her up with him, and she told me she prefers to leave it in her imagination.

“He said that Caleb wouldn’t want me to live like this.”

“Damn, attractive and wise.” Her voice is low.

“I know, I know. That’s why I started doing some stuff around the house. Figured that maybe if I make it less our home and more my home, it might help me feel less like I’m living in a time capsule, you know?”

“Makes perfect sense.” There’s pride in her voice through the receiver.

“What are you and Jacob up to for the rest of the weekend?”

“He has hockey practice tomorrow morning, but he has a birthday party for a boy in his class tonight. What psycho starts a six-year-old’s birthday party at five o’clock? I’ll never get him to bed with the amount of sugar running through his veins.”

I laugh, remembering one time when I was babysitting him and we made ice cream sundaes. Jacob was jumping on his bed rather than lying down. That boy loves his sweets.

“Anyway, I was going to see if you wanted to come for dinner tomorrow night. I’m not making anything fancy, but we need to catch up.”

“Sure thing, that’d be great. What can I bring?”

“Just yourself.” Jacob calls for Nina in the background. “Shit, I’ve gotta go. Come over around four, okay?”

“See you then.” I set my phone on the desk, and rather than relax back into the chair, I stay upright before I change my mind.

I sort through piles of bills that have long since been paid, organizing them a bit so I can file them in the large filing cabinet in the unfinished basement. Although Caleb was always on top of our bills and made sure everything was paid on time, he wasn’t the most organized person when it comes to paperwork, as is evident from the stacks of loose papers.