Page 111 of Chasing Smoke
“He did. And when I saw it, I knew it had to be ours.” Ansel takes my hand, and I allow him. “This is the table I want to share meals at with you for decades to come. This is where I want our children—in whatever form they might come—to spill their juice and accidentally get marker on wood. This is the table I want to have our serious conversations around when we’re trying to figure out how to make ends meet, or disagree on how to discipline our teenager when they’re acting up. This is the table around which I want to share a life with you, Collins. I want to look back at this table in fifty years and remember where every scratch and ding came from. See every happy and sad memory we’ve shared around it.” He squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry, Collins, so much. I understand why you’re mad, and I promise to show you every day that I’m not that man you think I am.”
“Ansel…” I sigh. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but I need complete transparency, even if you think it might upset me.”
He nods. “I should have found a way to tell you I applied for the job, regardless of what was going on. I see how trying to keep you from hurting actually caused you more pain, and I swear to you, Collins, if you let me remain in your life, it will never happen again. I’ll never keep something from you ever again. I saw how much it hurt you, and I never, ever want to be the one to cause you pain.”
I think back to what Sutton said about her brother. The guilt that he disappointed me is written all over his face. “I need to know that you’ll always tell me the truth. No matter what.”
He runs his thumb over my knuckles. “The truth, Collins, is that I love you. Have for a while now.”
Tears well in my eyes. I press my lips together to keep from crying.
“You are the biggest and best surprise of my life. When I set out to help you move on, I never would’ve thought we’d end up here, but I couldn’t be happier that we did.”
I can’t remain in my seat anymore, I need to be close to him, so I rise from my chair. He scoots back with a smile tipping his lips. I straddle his lap. One of Ansel’s hands rests on my thigh, the other on my lower back while I slide one hand around his neck and cup his face with the other.
“I love you too, Ansel. After Caleb died, I wasn’t sure I would ever find love again. And especially after everything about his affair came out. But you made me see that the life I thought I could have didn’t die with Caleb, just that version of it.”
He guides my head down to his, and our lips meet in a slow, sensual kiss bursting with love. When he finally pulls away, the way he’s looking at me lets me know that he’s really heard everything I said and understands what I need from him.
“There’s just one thing.” I give him a quick kiss.
“What is it?”
“I want to talk about this job you’ve been offered in Portland.”
Ansel shakes his head. “I’m not taking it.”
“I don’t want you to sacrifice your career aspirations for me.”
He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “It’s not a sacrifice, Collins. Not even close. None of it would mean anything without you beside me.”
“Ansel…”
“We’ll figure something out down the line for my career. I’m not worried about it right now.”
His use of we’ll spurs giddiness inside me.
“If this is important to you, then it’s important for me. We can figure it out.”
He shakes his head. “You’re important to me. The rest will fall into place.”
“Ansel—”
He covers my lips with his finger. “You told me Echo Lake felt like home to you. That it was the first place you ever felt that. Well, it’s my home too. I love Echo Lake, and what I’d love more than anything is to live my life here with you.”
Tears well in my eyes again, and this time, one escapes and trails down my cheek.
Ansel wipes it away with his thumb. “I hope these are happy tears.”
“Only the happiest.” I smile.
He kisses me again. “So… do you think we should christen our new table?”
I toss my head back and laugh. “Obviously.”
He lifts me by the waist and sets me on the edge of the table, his chair skidding along the floor.
“The first of a lifetime.”
