Page 101 of Chasing Smoke

I nod. “Yeah.”

“That’s a thing?” He arches an eyebrow.

“It is.” I let my hands fall to my sides and grip the counter.

Russo nods, taking in the information. He’s older than the rest of us by almost a decade, and it’s fair to say that we all sort of look up to him.

“Someone saw you guys shopping downtown together,” Gonzalez says.

I nod again. “They did.”

“And Carrie saw you guys at the grocery store,” Gonzalez says.

“She did.”

“Shopping for groceries together,” he says.

“Usually how it works.”

Ramsey snickers beside me, then catches himself, looking at the floor.

Russo taps his knuckles on the table, still seemingly deep in thought. Then he looks up and meets my gaze. “How long?”

“Not long.”

His eyebrows draw down. “More specifically.”

“The past couple of months.”

He nods slowly a few times.

“It started as a friendship. I was trying to help her move on and figure out what her life looked like without Caleb in it, and it turned into more.”

I can see Russo running back over the meal we all shared here with Collins, recalculating things in his mind. “You sure there was nothing happening before that?”

I’m trying not to be offended. It’s the question anyone would ask. But he knows me. Does he actually think there’s a possibility I’m lying?

“There’s nothing to tell.” My hands grip the counter harder.

“You sure about that?”

I push off the counter. “Yeah, I’m sure. She was Caleb’s wife, for fuck’s sake. Then she was his widow. Then she was just Collins, my friend, until she wasn’t.” I glance around the room and make eye contact with each and every guy so that they see I’m telling the truth.

Russo studies me some more. Whatever verdict he lands on will matter to the rest of the guys in the firehouse. He crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. “I’m gonna be honest with you… I’m not asking these questions because I’m accusing you of something. But if I’m gonna vouch for you when other guys are asking about it, I need to know I’m vouching for the truth.”

I nod. “You are.”

“You didn’t touch her before he died?”

“No.” I hold his gaze, trying to keep my anger out of my voice.

“Didn’t want to?”

“No.”

“And after?” He arches his eyebrow again.

“After she had nobody. Caleb’s family moved away, she’s not close with her own, and she wasn’t moving on. After a year and a half, she was in the same spot she was a month after Caleb died. He wouldn’t have wanted that. So I took it upon myself to try to help her. I checked up on her, told her I’d accompany her to things so she’d get out of the house. That kind of thing.”