Page 69 of Bloom

I jump to my feet. “I’ll see you guys later.” I grab my purse from my room and have just reached the door when James grabs my arm.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I’m fine,” I say tersely.

He looks behind him and then pulls me out to the front stoop. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Do you have a date?” I hiss.

He looks surprised, and then he grins. “Yeah. That’s the plan anyway.” I step away from him and he pulls me back with his hands around my waist. “With you, Elle. I meant I had a date with you.”

I feel all of my anger transform into a deep desire to cry. “Oh,” I say in a choked voice.

He pulls me toward him. “I thought you knew.”

“How would I know that?” I ask. “You never even mentioned it.”

“I spend every freaking minute with you. I thought it went without saying.”

“Nothing goes without saying, James. I have no idea where things stand.”

“Things stand wherever you want them to,” he replies. I’d like to tell him that I want them to stand with me in a white dress, followed by me bearing his children. There’s no end to where I want us to stand, but right now I’d settle for not lying about our relationship to everyone we know. I say nothing, of course. And his lips brush my forehead and my cheeks before finding my mouth and I forget what I was thinking entirely.

**

For our first real date I wear the same backless dress I wore to Ginny’s birthday. It seems fitting, after all.

“You look … ” James begins, when I come down the stairs.

“Grown up?” I laugh. “Because that’s the best you could do the last time I wore this.”

He pulls me against him. “Every time I saw you in some new way it was like being punched. I couldn’t stand the things I thought about when I saw you like that. And I couldn’t stand the fact that other guys were thinking them too.”

“That’s sweet,” I smile.

“What’s less sweet,” he says with a sigh, “is that I’m thinking them now too. So if we don’t get in the car this minute I don’t think we’re leaving at all.”

We go to a restaurant in Lewes, which is far enough away that no one we know will see us. For once reality eclipses even my loopiest daydreams. It’s all the best parts of a first date – the hopefulness and the giddy excitement – without the awkwardness of being out with a relative stranger. We talk easily about almost anything, but honestly it would have been enough just to see his smile, to hear the low rumble of his laughter. To drink in the way he looks at me, like I’m a prize he can’t believe he’s won. The way his eyes grow hazy and heavy-lidded when either of us references last night.

We get back to a — thank God — empty house. I run to the bathroom and find James waiting on the couch when I return downstairs.

“So we probably need to talk,” he says. I stand before him, reaching to the side of my dress for the zipper. “In spite of what happened last night, I don’t want you to feel rushed and … ”

“James,” I say, pushing my dress off. It billows into a small pile at my feet and I step out of it. I’m not wearing a bra, so that pretty much takes care of it.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes.

I climb into his lap. “We don’t have to sleep together,” I whisper. “Not until you’re ready.”

His laugh is slightly strangled as he runs a hand down my back and glances at his crotch. “I don’t think my readiness was ever the issue.”

“You know what I mean,” I smile. “But I’m not going backward either.”

He pulls my mouth to his. “I’d argue if I was capable. But I’m not capable.”

“Good,” I sigh.

Chapter 39