Page 64 of The Devil You Know

“You can’t come over,” I tell him. “I have to do some shopping.”

There’s been no time to get gifts for Victoria’s kids because Ben’s always around, and I’ve put it off for as long as I can.

His full mouth tips into a filthy smile. “I don’t mind shopping.”

“It’s not sexy shopping,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “I think you’re picturing sitting in the dressing room of La Perla while I try on lingerie.”

“I wasn’t, but now I am.” He glances toward the door, then leans down to let his lips brush my neck. “I’ll come anyway.”

I make him drive me to the Target over on Beverly Boulevard. “Are we here to finally make your apartment look less creepy?” he asks.

“I like my creepy apartment.” I push a cart toward him and get one of my own.

“Liar.”

I laugh. Fine, I don’t like my creepy apartment. “I’m not decorating my place because it’s temporary. I’ll be a whole new me in a year or two.”

“Right,” he says. “Widowed veteran or whatever.”

“Veterinarian.”

“Do you even like animals?”

I pull the kids’ letters from my purse. “Stay on task. We’re toy shopping.” I hand him Phillip’s list.

A single brow arches as he looks it over. “I wasn’t expecting your shopping lists to contain quite so many Nerf guns.”

I smile. “It’s this kid I know. Just…pick some stuff. Not twenty Nerf guns, but maybe two of them, and then some other things.”

“This is an odd way to tell me you’ve got kids, Gemma,” he says.

I roll my eyes. “They belong to a friend. Money is a little tight this year.”

Money will be tight every year for Victoria, for the rest of her damn life. It bothers me. Those kids could become anything they wanted, and I’m not sure they’ll ever get the chance. Sure, I put myself through college and law school, but I also spent my childhood surrounded by people who’d made it, and who’d assured me I would too. They don’t have that.

I leave him studying the Legos and head to the book section for Lola. Delight stirs inside me as I browse the covers, just like it did when I was a child, combing through books at the library every Wednesday afternoon.

I’d forgotten it until now but…my mom was right. I was a really happy kid. I guess, actually, I’m kind of happy now too. I freeze for a moment, shocked by the realization, and stare at Ben as he approaches with an entirely full cart.

I’m happy for the first time in six years because of you.

“Picking up a little reading material?” he asks, grinning at the vampire book in my hands.

I laugh. “Yes. Because I have so much free time these days to read about vampires.” I look at his cart. “My God, Ben. Did you buy every Nerf gun? You’ve got to put some of that back.”

We finish our shopping. Ben insists on paying for all of it, silencing my argument. “You can get it next Christmas if you make partner. But I wouldn’t bank on it,” he adds with a grin. “Craig’s a pretty strong candidate.”

“Someone’s asking to get shot with a Nerf gun when we get home,” I reply.

We carry everything up to my apartment, and I’m sweating by the time the final trip is completed. “I need a shower,” I tell him.

“Are you going to explain how you made friends with someone who can’t afford toys for her kids?” he asks.

I bite my lip. He’s still a partner, and I’m still explicitly defying Fields’ orders on this matter. But he helped me, and against all odds I have faith in him.

“I did some pro bono work for her a while ago,” I reply, carrying one of the bags to the coat closet.

“Victoria,” he says, and I come to a sudden stop.