Page 35 of Parallel

“He went to Harvard for medical school. That’s got to be worth something.”

“It’s probably worth a lot less than you think. Guys like that…they either come up with a bizarre cure or a bizarre supernatural explanation for what they can’t cure.”

She smiles. “Are you ruling supernatural explanations out?”

“Look, even if I believed in ghosts, or reincarnation, you’re remembering events that took place within the past few years. Besides, you seemed even more certain than me that there was no explanation.”

“I know, but I was thinking something.” She rolls on her back, her gaze on the ceiling. There are water spots there I’ve never seen before, but I don’t think she even notices them. “I realize it sounds crazy, but the tumor gets bigger every time I black out, right? It was tiny, now it’s not. So maybe if I can just figure out why it’s happening, even just part of the reason, I can stop it from growing.”

“Or maybe,” I reply as gently as possible, “it’s the progression of the tumor that’s causing the incidents in the first place. And now you’ve got a tumor that needs treatment. We should be focused on getting you in with an oncologist, not some quack’s insane theories.”

She blinks rapidly, trying not to cry. “I need this to stop, Nick. I need someone to make it stop. Even if the tumor kills me, the way I find myself thinking and feeling…it has to end.”

“Why?” I ask, harsher than I intended to sound. “Why does it have to end?”

Her eyes are so tortured as they turn toward me it’s hard to meet her gaze. “Because I wake up feeling like everything in London actually happened, and I want it more than I want my real life. Except, my real life is what I have, and I need to be happy with that.”

No, you don’t. You could be with me.

I picture it: leaving here together. Starting over in a new city where no one knows us. Coming home to her every night and finding her beside me every morning. The thought of it makes me burn with want. What I’d like to do right now is hold her face in the palms of my hands and make a thousand promises I’d never be able to keep. Instead I jump to my feet and begin to pace. I’m angry and upset and being unprofessional and I really don’t care. “I think these dreams are nature’s way of telling you that you are settling for less. Way less.”

“What I have with Jeff is exactly what I want,” she replies, her voice breaking. “I don’t want to feel more than that about someone. It causes too much pain.”

I should let this go, because it’s not like I have anything to offer in its place—even if every other obstacle was removed, it’s never going to be okay for me to be with her. But I find myself arguing anyway. “The only other option is to go through your whole life never deeply loving anything at all.”

“I’m okay with that,” she replies. She looks at me for a long moment. “And you seem to be too.”

18

QUINN

A nurse enters at six a.m., waking us both. We stayed up talking most of the night, and he fell asleep in the fold-out chair beside me. I have no idea how he explained his absence to his girlfriend.

“Oh,” says the nurse, trying to master her surprise. “Dr. Reilly…I, uh, didn’t realize you were…in here.”

Guilt makes me flinch. I’m engaged and I shouldn’t have had a man other than Jeff stay overnight in my room. “Nick’s an old friend,” I explain.

“From college,” he adds, but he looks far too guilty to be believed. She raises a brow and, after giving him a look I can only interpret as scolding, leaves the room.

“I hope you don’t get in trouble,” I breathe when the door shuts behind her.

He gives me a small smile. “As far as I remember, nothing unprofessional occurred.”

Just the suggestion that something could have happened is enough to have me squeezing my thighs together.

“But,” he adds, “Jeff will be here soon, so I should go.”

I dread him leaving. It’s greedy of me to want more time with him, but I want it anyway. And I absolutely need to stop wanting it. “Thank you for staying over.”

His fingers brush mine and his eyes shut. “If you’re still planning to go see that doctor in New Jersey, I’ll go with you.”

I shake my head. “You don’t need to do that.”

“You cannot drive that far alone. Not when you’re blacking out every other day. Unless you plan to ask Jeff.” The disdain in his tone implies he already knows I won’t. Or thinks Jeff isn’t up to the job.

My hands twist together. The last thing I need are more hours alone with Nick. But he’s taken anyway, so how dangerous could it be? And he’s right—I shouldn’t drive that far by myself, and asking Jeff means telling him about these dreams, which wouldn’t go over well.

I tell myself I’m agreeing because it’s my only option, but the truth is, as much as the idea of being alone with Nick scares me, it appeals to me even more.