Page 83 of Hawk

“Fuck Tessa.” My throat clogs with emotion as tears prick the back of my eyes. I can’t fucking breath. She looks completely different from the last time I saw her. She’s thinner, her face is so gaunt looking.

I take timid steps towards the bed and sit in the chair directly next to it. The same chair that Croy has occupied. I take her hand in mine and press my lips to her skin. She’s cold, almost too cold. My vision becomes unfocused as the tears burn at the back of my throat. “I sh–should have been there. Why didn’t I fight for you?”

Keeping her hands in mine, I rub my thumb along the back of her hand as I watch the drops of rain hit the glass of the windows. I take one of my hands and wipe the tears from my face. The constant beating of the heart monitor turns monotonous. I bring her hand back to my lips and brush them against her hand.

“I have loved you my entire life,” I confess something I hope she’s always known. “Even when you were no longer a part of it, you have always had my heart.”

My heart. It feels like it’s fucking breaking. My chest actually hurts. “You were the one thing that I was missing all these years. You were one of the first good things in my life. Your smile, it was able to brighten even the darkest of days.” I take a shaky breath and look up at the ceiling.

Please let there be a God.

“I would give anything for you to open your eyes and smile at me. You still owe me a song, sweet girl. Remember, that night at your house when the three of us played Life, and I won? You told me I got to pick anything, and I told you I wanted to hear you sing. You need to wake up and get better so you can repay your debt.”

I need to be closer to her, so I get up from the chair and gently sit on the bed next to her. She doesn’t stir as I press my body against hers. I keep her hand in mine as I take hold of the other. “Tessa, I need you to be all right. I need to know that the world still holds you in it.”

I focus my gaze on her face, hoping that my voice will bring her back. My throat feels dry, and my chest is heavy. “Come on sweetheart, please. Please come back. Please be all right. Please don’t go. I–I can’t bear knowing that you’re no longer here.” I choke back the tears, but it’s useless. “Sam needs you.” I squeeze her hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise. I’m sorry I didn’t keep you safe. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me. But please, please don’t punish your son. Please don’t let him grow up without a mother. Tessa–” I can’t finish my thought as emotions rack through my body. “I love you, sweet girl. I’ve always loved you. Please…Goddamn it, please.”

A memory hits me, so I drop her hands and reach towards my back pocket and pull out my wallet. Behind my license is a plastic card holder. In that holder is a single four-leaf clover. Tessa found it when we were about ten. When she gave it to me, I stuck it in the back of one of my baseball cards. The card is long since gone, but I’ve always kept that clover with me.

I take the plastic in her hand and wrap her fingers around the edges. Hopefully, when she wakes up, because I know she will, she’ll know that I was here. I lift myself from the bed and gently brush my fingers through her hair. I don’t want to leave. I shouldn’t go, but I can’t be here when Croy gets back. I can’t face him knowing that he’s won the woman I love.

Especially knowing he’s the better option for them both.

“Fight, sweetheart. Whatever you’re going through, fight.” I place a kiss on her forehead. “I love you.”

I leave her, and with her, my heart.

Hawk

Funerals are never easy. I don’t care how old you are. It’s like you’re coming face to face with the inventible when you’re staring down the dark hole of the resting place of your brother. The reaper is out in full force today, tapping each of us on the shoulder, telling us it’s only a matter of time before we join him in the fires of Hades.

Bubba left us far too soon.

But he left us a hero.

If he hadn’t stepped up, Lick might have lost his family. Jenni and the two kids, Lick’s niece and nephew, could have been victims of a drugged-up POS. Bubba went against Cut’s orders to stay the fuck away until he proved himself to the club. After he betrayed us, betrayed Sin for some fucking blow, there was a good reason why he was told to stay the fuck away from anything Fury. He put his need to get high above the bond of brotherhood, and that wasn’t something that you ever do, but damn if he didn’t gain back the respect of the club, and especially Sin. Savannah and Grace were there that day. The thought of Sin losing those two girls is something none of us can fathom. Actions always speak louder than words, and as soon as Bubba threw his body in front of Jenni and that gun, we knew where his loyalty laid.

Fury bound, Fury proud.

Not too far away from Bubba’s final resting spot is my father’s headstone. The stone is worn and weathered. It seems like he’s been gone a lot longer than what he has. My memories of him seem to fade with each passing day, and I have no problem with that. I’m still not sure where I stand when it comes to him and what he did to my mother. I haven’t brought it up to Cut, or any of the other guys.

“Who the fuck?” Sin’s voice pulls my thought away from my father.

As soon as I see them, my legs move in their direction. Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around Tessa and kiss her temple. Her arms tighten around me as her body collapses into mine. “How did you know?”

“Bianca—” her voice breaks. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner.”

I run my hand down the silk of her hair and bury my nose in the crook of her neck. I inhale her scent, one that I never thought I’d smell again. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

She gives off a hesitant laugh. “Me either.”

Tessa Reese is here. She’s in Las Cruces.

I pull away from her body and watch as she wipes the tears from her eyes. She knew Bubba. She knew him when he was just Keith. When he would walk the halls of our high school flashing all the girls his killer smile. He was larger than life back then. That was all before he took his first solo ride on his bike. Before he wore the patch. Before he fell victim to the drugs. When life was simpler. When we were younger. She knew him.

Without any words, I bend down and scoop Sam into my arms. He doesn’t hesitate when he wraps his arms around my neck and takes a deep breath. “Are you smelling me, buddy?” He nods his head excited, and it makes me laugh. My chest feels lighter with him in my arms and her next to me. I feel whole. I’m also terrified because I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold onto that feeling.

“Tessa?” Sin calls out. I glance over my shoulder and see him, Dyke, Brass, and Cut approach us. Behind them, Lick stays rooted in one spot with his back towards us and his phone to his ear.