Page 121 of Discerning Blake

I wave. And I promise myself that by this time next year Amelia will be watching me play with a ring on her finger and a fat belly. The idea of Amelia pregnant with my child contracts my chest with so much longing that I completely miss the ball that nearly hits me in the face.

“Blake!” Garrett yells.

I go running after the ball and try to keep my head in the game.

In the end, we lose. But it’s only partly my fault.

After the game, I shower in the locker room and go out to meet Amelia and Chase. Amelia has to go back to the festival for the closing ceremony, so Chase and I drop off my gear at the pub and walk to the carnival.

“It’s alright,” Chase says to me to make me feel better about the loss. “Sometimes the other team is just better prepared. It doesn’t mean you suck, it just means you need more practice.”

Is that what Garrett tells the kids when they lose a game? Because it sounds nothing like the talking down he gave us in the locker room. He was a lot more disappointed, especially with me.

“To be honest, my head wasn’t in the game.”

“Why not?”

I hesitate. I want Chase to know the truth, but without oversharing.

“You know how much you love baseball?”

“Yeah.”

“And you think about it all the time and talk about it all the time. And maybe sometimes you’re at school, and you’re supposed to think about school stuff but instead your brain thinks about baseball.”

“All the time! My teacher keeps telling me to concentrate.”

“Well one day, when you’re much older, you’ll meet someone who becomes so important to you that you’ll feel about them the way that you do about baseball. And then when you do play baseball, you won’t be able to concentrate because all your brain wants to do is think about her.”

Chase makes a grimace. “You mean Mom.”

“Yeah.”

Chase’s sigh could probably be heard from space. “Does she think about you all the time?”

“I don’t know.” Things have been going really well. She hasn’t said I love you yet, but I’m not in a hurry. It’s harder for her coming out of a marriage than it is for me, who’s been single forever. “I hope so.”

“I think she does. I catch her smiling all the time. And every time I ask her why, she stops and says that it’s nothing. That’s how I know that she’s thinking about you.”

Warmth spreads through my chest. Chase gives my smile a sideways glance and looks glumly down at the floor.

“If she keeps thinking about you, is she going to forget about me?”

There is so much fear and misery in his voice, it brings up painful memories from my past. Of wishing my mother would think more about me and less about her next drink. But Amelia is nothing like my mother. Chase has nothing to worry about there.

“Are you insane?” I say with an over-the-top, dramatic voice.

I thump him on the shoulder and send him tipping sideways. I catch his arm before he falls down.

He’s so shocked from almost falling, the sad look on his face is replaced with irritation.

“Do you know what your mom talks about nonstop when she’s with me?”

“What?”

“You! It’s all Chase did this and Chase said that. And ‘Oh my god, Chase is so cute. I could just eat him up.’” I do a high squeaky voice to imitate Amelia. “The woman is obsessed!”

Chase laughs.