Page 63 of Thin Ice

Fuck. The reality of what we just did settles as the hormone haze clears. We all just kissed and got off using each other’s bodies—and in the middle of a gym no less, where anyone could have come in.

“Beck,” Noah says gruffly. “Don’t you think we should all talk?”

Shock zips up my spine, and by the look on Beck’s face, he’s floored by Noah’s question, too. Normally, I’d be the one suggesting a talk, not him. It’s more progress from him that I didn’t expect so soon. And I won’t lie, it stings a bit that he so readily wants to talk about this when, for months, I’ve tried to get him to open up to me.

I know it’s silly, because this needs to be discussed. We can’t just walk away and pretend it didn’t happen or ignore what took place earlier today or even yesterday. I also can’t pretend I wasn’t on my way here to tell Noah everything I’ve been feeling before we got caught up in the moment.

Beck rubs his hand over his face. “We do need to talk, but I can’t right now.”

“Beck—” Noah tries.

“Tomorrow,” he says with finality. “We’ll talk during our session.”

He stalks off, taking a clean towel from a stand near the door as he leaves. Noah and I remain next to each other for a long time before he turns to me, bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing over my wedding band.

Noah’s pupils are back to normal, but in his eyes, I see his fear. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he says.

I cup his cheek. “I’m confused.”

He releases a long exhale. “I am, too.”

I glance down at his soiled shorts and bare chest, abruptly aware of the cold, damp fabric of the ruined underwear against my sex.

“Let’s go shower. We’ll talk about it tomorrow with Beck.”

Noah studies my face like he’s searching for answers I don’t have. Eventually, he presses another kiss to my knuckles. “I love you, Sunshine.”

“I love you, too.”

And that’s the truth. If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that I’ll always love Noah. No matter what happens from here.

Chapter twenty-three

Beck

I pace the length of my bungalow, jittery as if I drank an entire pot of coffee this morning. Okay, I did drink an entire pot of coffee. Not the smartest move on my part, but it was required.

“Fuck.” I scrub my hand over my face before pressing my palms into my tired eyes. I didn’t get more than a couple of hours of sleep last night. Every time I closed my eyes, I’d be transported back to the gym, kissing Noah for the first time as an adult man with a fully developed frontal lobe and kissing Quinn for the first time ever.

I touch the pads of my fingers to my mouth, the ghost of both their kisses on my lips despite the hours since it happened. I can still feel the warmth of Quinn’s cheek in my palm and the grind of my dick against the toned muscles of Noah’s ass as he got himself off with his wife.

My cock jerks, and the pot of acidic coffee I drank burns my stomach. Self-loathing joins the party, and I stop my pacing, gently swatting both sides of my face.

“Get yourself to-fucking-gether, Beck.”

Knock! Knock! Knock!

My spine stiffens. It’s time to face the music.

I told Noah not to run, yet last night, I was the one running. I’ve thought over the moment a thousand times since then. What other choice did I have? I didn’t want to stay and talk and have them tell me it was a one-time thing or that they needed to leave the retreat.

I couldn’t stand to be rejected by Noah—again—but I couldn’t stomach the idea of Quinn rejecting me or hating me, either. She did walk in on me wanting to kiss her husband, after all. I wouldn’t blame her for feeling some kind of way about that.

Knock! Knock!

I tug at the bottom of my button-up shirt, the color a robin-egg blue that reminds me of Quinn’s eyes, and ready myself. Despite what I’m feeling inside, I refuse to be weak in front of them. I told myself as I got dressed that no matter what happens today, I’m going to be okay. If they reject me, if they say it was a mistake, I’ll take it on the chin and move forward.

Because, again, what other choice do I have? I did my best to move on after Noah and again when my hockey career abruptly ended. I can make it through adversity; I’ve proven that to myself so many fucking times.