Page 44 of Thin Ice

“We’re not dating!”

Beck’s face falls, and for a second, I think he’s going to cry, but he doesn’t. Instead, he laughs. The sound that’s usually warm and inviting is like the shock of a cold ice bath.

“Oh, so what have we been doing for the last year?”

“Fucking.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

Beck shakes his head, jaw tight. “God, you really believe that, don’t you?”

“We were just two guys having fun, figuring our shit out. It doesn’t have to be more than that.”

“Noah?” Quinn’s soft voice breaks me from my nightmare. There was more to that conversation, but remembering any of it is difficult.

“Yeah?” I respond shakily.

“It’s okay.”

I’m about to ask her what she means, but before I can, she lifts her hand up to brush a tear from my cheek. I inhale and sit straighter, embarrassment flushing my skin. I don’t like crying—hate it, in fact. Especially when they’re tears I don’t deserve to shed.

I move to pull away, but Quinn holds my hand firm, the water sloshing around our legs.

“Don’t run, Noah. This is good.”

“How can you say that?” I snap.

“What do you mean?”

“You should be yelling at me or shoving me into the water.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I kept all this from you.”

“It’s okay. I had relationships before you, too, remember? I didn’t tell you everything that happened with them.”

“But did you love them?”

Her eyes widen and nostrils flare. “Are you saying you loved Beck?”

Fuck. My stomach bottoms out like I’m going to puke again. “No!”

“It’s okay if you did.”

I drag my free hand over my face. Quinn’s hand is still locked around my other, holding on to it because she’s afraid I will run. And I’m not going to lie; I want to. I want to run so far and so fast away from here until I’m back in Seattle and Quinn and I are alone—away from the heat and the desert and Beck. Away from the breathing exercises and Hazel with her understanding smile.

“Did you love him?” Quinn’s tone is a plea, and I do the only thing I can and confess.

“I did.”

“Okay.”

My head snaps up so I can meet her gaze. “Okay?”

“It makes sense, Noah.”