Page 33 of Thin Ice

Quinn’s eyes shine, and I’m grateful I said something right. Several “aww”s echo around us.

“That’s wonderful, Noah. And you, Quinn?” Hazel asks.

My wife wets her lips like I did. “My name is Quinn, I live in Seattle with my husband, Noah, and I want to find my happiness again.” She pauses before she continues. “And I want to reconnect with Noah, find our happiness together again.”

I want to yell I was never unhappy with you, but that is how she feels, so whether or not I like it or agree, I sit with it, holding her hand until the rest of the group finishes and the mentors are introduced.

I continue to grip her hand while Beck introduces himself, and I learn that he lives all over the world and travels, that he’s been a mentor at Reignite for the last couple of years, and he’s excited to get to know all of us.

Beck looks directly at Quinn and then to me. “I love learning what makes each couple tick, to help them find out how to light the kindling that’s been there all along.” He puts his hands in the pockets of the linen pants he wears casually, his stance reminding me so much of the cocky young man I knew back in school who was effortlessly sure of himself and easily liked by everyone.

He continues. “I’m excited to work with all of you this week, but especially my couple, Quinn and Noah. I look forward to making sure you don’t miss any of your goals.”

The group claps, all except me and my wife. My stomach plummets, and Quinn tenses beside me. Hazel calls a break and says something about meeting with your mentors, but all I hear is the dull roar of the crowd, the announcer over the TV repeating the same line over and over again…

“Ashcroft is going to be thinking about that one for a long time. He’s scored that goal hundreds of times in his life.”

“Noah.” Quinn shakes my shoulder. “Noah.”

I blink, and when my eyes refocus, I see people are up and about and Beck is no longer where he was before.

“Noah,” Quinn repeats. “Look at me.”

When I finally do, her expression mirrors someone holding a plate that’s already cracked and any small movement will shatter it.

I shake off the dread in my gut, not wanting to be weak anymore, not wanting to be the man who got us here in the first place. I also don’t want Beck to know how much he affected me. The fact that he’s been following my games, that he saw my latest failure, shows me he hasn’t moved on the way I told myself he had during the rare moments I let myself think of him.

“Sorry,” I tell Quinn, thankful my voice doesn’t sound wobbly or coarse.

“You don’t need to explain,” she soothes. “Why don’t we go walk around before our meeting with Beck? Move our bodies a bit?”

“Really?”

She offers a wry smile. “Yes, really.”

I give in to my urge from earlier, leaning forward to kiss her. It’s a small kiss, a delicate one I hope is filled with my appreciation for her. I’m grateful that, despite everything, she’s still able to see and give me what I need. Just like I want to give her what she needs this week and beyond.

When I pull back, she brushes her thumb over my cheek before we stand, walking out on the grounds hand in hand. Despite the heat, what just happened in there, and every fucking emotion I’m feeling, I know I’ll make it through this week.

Because I have Quinn by my side.

Chapter fourteen

Beck

I was an asshole. I know I was. I shouldn’t have said what I said or revealed to Noah that I watched his last game, the one I knew would haunt him. It was mean of me, but I couldn’t help it. It was as if I was possessed by a demon. One minute, I was telling him to breathe, helping him through the panic attack I saw coming, and the next, I was pushing him into one.

I drink some cold water while I wait for the couple in the private backyard area of my bungalow, the location where many of our one-on-one sessions will be unless we’re inside my space. Since this isn’t a normal hotel with multiple ballrooms or convention areas, we work with what we have. I’ve never felt annoyed by it before, but having Noah in my personal space—even if said personal space is not my home—is going to be a trip.

I hold the cool water bottle against my cheek while looking out at the desert landscape, wishing I had time to do some yoga or dip my body in an ice bath to try to regulate my nervous system. This morning has been a complete and utter clusterfuck, one of my own doing, but I can’t go back now. More importantly, I won’t let Quinn down.

I like her, and I told her I could make this work, so I’m going to. I know I don’t owe her anything, and this could all go sideways, but in the short time I’ve been in Noah’s sphere again, I see he hasn’t changed much. He’s matured, but he’s still the same boy who walked away from me all those years ago and a man who runs from his problems. Or at least most of them.

The one positive is that he came here with Quinn, and he answered the opening question even through his panic. That means he’s trying for her, something he would have never done for me.

I fight the bitterness welling in my stomach and take another swig of water when a throat clears behind me. I know who it is before I turn, the weight of his presence making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I don’t immediately turn around, preparing myself to come face-to-face with him again.

“Can we talk?” he asks.