Page 31 of Thin Ice

“Okay,” Beck echoes.

Unspoken words pass between the two, and in that moment, I know I made the right choice, even if it’s crazy. Beck knows Noah’s number. He knows how to make him push through to the other end of something difficult, like a coach who understands how to challenge his student.

Another heavy moment passes before Beck takes a step toward the door.

“Where are you going?” I ask, hoping he didn’t just suddenly change his mind.

He taps the face of his watch then looks between us both. “The opening group session starts in fifteen minutes.” He takes a few more steps, his large legs eating up the distance, and opens the front door, looking at us once more before he exits. “Eat your breakfast, and don’t be late.”

The click of the door echoes behind him, leaving Noah and I alone, our hands locked together in a vise grip.

Chapter thirteen

Noah

I’ll never forget the look on Beck’s face when I swung open the bungalow door, thinking he was a staff member bringing breakfast.

Shock, fear, anger, and resentment were all wrapped up in one look, the same look I’m sure was echoed in my eyes.

Quinn squeezes my hand as we walk to the main house for our first session, and I’m brought back to reality. I’m at an intimacy retreat with my wife, and my sort-of-ex is going to be our mentor. From what I understand, he’ll be a part of very intimate exercises alongside me and Quinn. My skin itches with the desire to go to the gym or retreat to our air-conditioned bungalow to do push-ups until I collapse, but I made a promise only ten minutes ago, and I intend to rise to Beck’s challenge.

We may not have seen each other since before we could legally drink, but he’s like me. He’s not a quitter, and the challenge was clear in his question. He knew I wouldn’t walk away from his barb, and I didn’t. Not that I would have, anyway; I owe Quinn. I told her I’d do this, and I will. Even if I think it’s a terrible idea and will most certainly end badly—though I hope it doesn’t.

I squeeze her hand back to reassure myself that she’s here and I didn’t fuck this up with my stupid comment suggesting she cheated or anything else I’ve knowingly or unknowingly done. I knew she didn’t do anything with Beck, but I couldn’t process what was happening. In many ways, I still can’t.

While I was at the gym yesterday beating myself up, Quinn was at the bar with a man I thought I’d never see again, telling him things about me. It hurt, even if I brought it on myself.

I make a vow right here and now that I’ll be barnacled to Quinn’s side this week, even when I want to run.

“This is it,” Quinn says. The sounds of people talking and music playing from the backyard of the house gets louder as we get closer, and it grates on my already shot nervous system.

Today’s morning session is with everyone. Hazel is going to introduce us to our mentors, we’ll do a short icebreaker with the other couples, then we’ll break off and have our first intimacy exercise after lunch, whatever that entails. I don’t want to think about it, so I’m just going to approach this how I approach everything in my life: one moment at a time.

“This is it.” I repeat Quinn’s words, bringing her hand up to my mouth to kiss over her wedding bands before dropping it back down. She stops me before we can reach where the signs have led us, to the back gate. I see the heads of people moving around and chatting.

Quinn fidgets on her feet before using her free hand to tuck some hair behind her ear. Her skin has a little more color than it did yesterday, and the tip of her nose is a tiny bit red. I have no doubt she used sunscreen, but we’re both not used to being in the sun, much less the sun in the middle of the desert.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Later, I’d like you to tell me more about your relationship with Beck.”

My chest tightens, but I’m not surprised she’s asking this of me. “There is no relationship,” I say.

She nibbles her bottom lip. “You know what I mean. Learning the truth will be important for our growth here.”

I know she’s right. It’s not like I can’t tell her about our past, but I’m glad I have some time to process everything before then.

“Okay, tonight. We’ll go for a swim in our private pool, and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

Her eyes widen, and she bounces on her feet. The action reminds me of the moment Quinn found me down on one knee, excitement in her eyes and body causing this exact bounce.

“Really? You’re going to talk and swim?”

Her joy lets me know just how much of an asshole I’ve been. And selfish, only thinking about my needs and wants.

I’m willing to be uncomfortable for Quinn. But more than that, I know I’m not going to be able to pretend like nothing happened earlier. I acted like a child around Beck, and I need to explain why.

“Yes.” I bring her hand up to my lips again. The kiss I leave this time lingers, and I smile at her, craving to see more of her joy. I didn’t realize how much I missed it. “I really am.”