Page 142 of Thin Ice

I didn’t realize how much hiding this part of myself was affecting me until I was faced with the potential of losing everything. For so long, I hid behind hockey, working out, winning, being the best at everything, that I lost track of what is important to me in life, and that’s the people who mean the most to me.

Isla: That’s powerful, Noah. Really. It takes a lot of courage to come out—and to come out in a sport that tends to be less accepting of those who break the mold. And in this case, you’re not just telling the world you’re bisexual but that you’re in a polyamorous relationship.

Noah: Well, I have to be honest, Isla. I hope that’s the case, because I may have screwed that part up again.

Isla: How so?

Noah: My wife is all in, and she has built a beautiful relationship with this man. She’s out and proud as bisexual and has been ready to tell our friends and family about him since we got back from our trip to the desert. But I let the fear get ahold of me, and I needed more time to work some things out in therapy.

Isla: It seems you’ve worked them out or you wouldn’t be doing this interview.

Noah: This is just one part of my grand gesture to tell him publicly that I’m ready for him to be in our lives—permanently, if he’ll have us.

Isla: Oh?

Noah: If he’s reading this like I hope he is, I want him to know that I’m sorry for taking so long to tell the world my truth and that, by the time this article comes out, I will have told my team that I’m bisexual and that Quinn and I are seeing someone together. That I’ve also told my family about us. And that I did this because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.

Most importantly, I want him to know how much I love him and have always loved him, how sorry I am for all the heartache I’ve put him through, and I hope he can forgive me.

And to Quinn, my wife, my world, my Sunshine: I love you more than words can say. I hope you, too, can forgive me, and that when our man reads this, he’s willing to come stand in front of the world with us. Together.

My vision blurs, and fat drops fall onto the pages of the magazine. I don’t need to read the rest of it because I know everything I need to know.

Noah loves me, and without him saying it, I know Quinn does, too.

I grip the magazine to my chest and blink away my tears, the world coming back into focus. I inhale a long breath, and my lungs burn from being filled full for what feels like the first time in hours.

I hold out the magazine one more time, and when I do, a piece of paper and a note fall out of its pages. I pick them up and find a plane ticket to Seattle and a note in Noah’s perfect handwriting.

Beck,

If you read the article and want to come stand in front of the world together with Quinn and I, please use the plane ticket. When you arrive at the rink, give them your name, and they’ll take you to the seat I have reserved for you.

Love,

Noah

I hold the note to my chest along with the article, more tears pooling in my eyes. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and when I pull it out, I see I’ve got missed messages separately from both Noah and Quinn.

NOAH:

I hope you got the package. It says it’s arrived.

NOAH:

No pressure. Just know this is what I’ve been working on for so long. I hope it’s not too dramatic? Fuck. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?

QUINN:

Did you read the article? He told me about it last night and let me read it. I thought it was beautiful. He also said he sent you a plane ticket with it. I hope to see you at the game tonight. *heart emoji*

I shake my head at their messages and smile, my heart expanding in my chest. I’ve never felt this loved or wanted in my life.

A notification for a sports news channel app I have on my phone pings, and the headline catches my eye right away:

Fuck, this is real. He came out, and not just to his team and family but to the entire world.

Another text from my mom comes in asking if Noah was talking about me in “the article that’s going viral,” and I can’t help but smile. I’d told her during one of our weekly phone chats that I had been seeing a couple, and like always, there was no judgment from her. I didn’t tell her it was Noah, though, just that the man was someone from my past. It was obviously easy for her to put the pieces together after seeing that article.