Page 11 of Ember

“Yo,” he called sharply, jerking Tucker’s shoulder hard enough to force him around. “What the hell was that?”

“Nothing.” Tucker snarled, shaking him off.

“Bro, I know that you’re still reeling from a loss, and I understand it, but you told me you had shit under control. Chief Snow ain’t gonna let too many more incidents like this pass without reprimanding you. All of us have that one call that’s gonna stick with us forever, but we’ve all found a way to manage the way we grieve. You need to find yours, or find yourself a different career, because the way you’re going, firefighting won’t be it.”

Tucker’s chest rose and fell in anger, and the only thing keeping him from lashing out at Will, was knowing deep down that he was right. Since the call that shifted his life, Tucker had been a loose cannon. His temper flared up over the smallest of things, and sent him into fits of rage that he had a hard time pulling back from.

“I just don’t fucking get it.” He exhaled slowly, trying to diffuse his anger. “What the fuck is so goddamn important that you choose to leave your kid home alone, not knowing what the hell can happen? If I hadn’t…”

“But you did, Tuck,” Will interrupted, moving his hand from the shoulder to the back of Tucker’s head. “You were there, and you pulled him out of that closet. Now he’ll live another day to do whatever dumb shit it is that kids do and break his arm or something.”

The two of them shared a laugh at that.

“You gave him another day to be a kid, Tuck, and that’s what you need to focus on, alright? Tighten up.”

Removing his hand from Tucker’s head, Will playfully slapped his face as they laughed again. Ridding himself of his gear, Tucker settled in his truck and allowed his head to rest against the window. As much as he hated to admit it, he was losing it. The threads that held him together were unraveling one by one, and he hadn’t the slightest idea of how to pull it together.

“Kee, what the fuck are you doing?” He whispered to himself as the rest of his team packed up the truck and climbed inside. As they pulled off, forced the thoughts of his personal life to the side.

Tucker still had damn near a full shift to go, and he couldn’t afford to lose his shit again on yet another call.

* * *

“Tuck,” the Chief called, as soon as they were dragging their tired bodies into the station. “My office, now.”

He didn’t even bother to wait for a response before walking off. Tucker and Will shared a look as Tucker paused before reluctantly following. He opened his mouth to say something the moment the door was closed, but was quickly cut off.

“Do you want to lose your job?” Snow questioned with a hard glare.

“Snow, I…”

“Do-you-want-to-lose-your-damn-job?” He repeated through gritted teeth. While Tucker wasn’t normally one to back down, he knew he was in the wrong. There was no other choice than to grin and bear through whatever was about to come his way.

“Then I suggest you find a way to cope with the trauma that you’re dealing with, and quickly. I have too many men relying on you to keep them alive in a situation where you’re supposed to have a cool head and make rational decisions. I won’t have them at the mercy of your misguided emotions, do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir.” Tucker replied, a steely expression on his face.

“Good. That’ll be all.”

With a short nod, he headed out of the office, furious for allowing himself to end up in the predicament that he was in. Making his way into the locker room, Tucker nearly sent his fist through his designated locker.

Letting out a growl, he sank onto the bench, allowing his head to drop into his hands.

“Tuck,” Cecilia’s voice floated into the room as she made an appearance. “Is everything okay?”

Sucking in a deep breath, he exhaled, dragging his hands down his face. “I’m fine.”

“It doesn’t sound like it.”

“Cece, I said I’m fine! Drop it!” Tucker lashed out, standing to his feet. He thought that was all it would take to get her to leave him alone, but he was wrong. She stood her ground, staring defiantly at him.

“Oh, really?” She scoffed. “Because it doesn’t seem like you’re fine! You’re spiraling, Tucker, and everybody can see it. It’s only a matter of time before…”

“Before what? Huh?” He demanded, approaching me menacingly.

Her gaze softened up a little as she reached up to gently place one of her hands against his cheek. “A matter of time before you push any and everybody that cares about you away.”

As he breathed deeply, Tucker’s anger slowly ebbed away. He easily realized that despite her attraction towards him, Cecilia was coming to him as a friend that genuinely cared about his well-being, instead of a romantic level.

Before he could respond however, the alarm sounded, capturing the both of their attention.

Removing her hand from his face, she gave him a soft smile before the two filed out of the locker room to their respective vehicles. As he and his team loaded onto their truck, Tucker caught the funny look Will shot towards him and Cecilia.

Shaking it off, because he wasn’t in the least bit worried about Cecila or anything that she came with, he focused his attention on their call, ready to get through the rest of his shift and get home to his bed.