Page 117 of Queen’s Gambit

Tears fell. I sniffled and wiped my nose before forcing a smile.

‘We were more than friends. We’re family. You called me Drah’sa. We lived together in Wiosna and Truso before I moved to the palace,’ I answered, hoping something, anything would trigger a memory of our time together.

Tova stroked the small picture frame in his hands. The edge was crooked and flimsy. He didn’t even look at it before rearranging the spreaders to fix the problem. The small, precise movements were his hallmark. His body remembered, even if his mind didn’t.

‘If we lived together, then who is this woman?’ He passed me the portrait.

‘Inga Tivala. You love her. I didn’t know she’d given it to you, but she kissed you before we left on this journey.’ I smiled when he took it back and stowed it under his vest.

‘I don’t remember her either.’ He shifted closer and sat on the edge of the bed. ‘Do you know why I can’t remember?’

‘You died,’ I whispered, mentally recoiling from the memory of his lifeless body.

‘Died? Am I dead? Then… why do I feel alive?’ He looked down at his hand, at where the wood and flesh merged.

‘Because you are alive. I brought you back,’ I said, reaching for the hand I’d created. ‘But you were gone. Maybe that’s why your soul doesn’t remember. I’m sure your memory will return; we just need time…’

Tova shook his head and then patted his chest. ‘Will it? There is nothing here—no memories, no wants or needs. I ate breakfast today, and it tasted like… I don’t even know what.’ He shook his head. ‘Why did you bring me back?’

‘Because I couldn’t let you go. I love you. You are my brother, my heart, a man who believed in me when I was at my worst,’ I whispered, pulling him closer. ‘I couldn’t let you go.’

I wrapped my arms around him, seeking comfort in his sturdy body. Tova stiffened. There was no awkward pat on the back or even an eye roll. He just sat there, stiff as a log, waiting for me to finish.

‘I’m none of those things now. Please let me go.’ His eyes were so hollow when he pulled away that I could barely hold back the tears. ‘You should have let me die, Your Majesty. You shouldn’t have condemned me to this hollow existence.’

‘It could just be temporary. I’ll fix it, Tova. Just give me a chance. Alaric is a necromancer. He’ll know what to do.’ My fists tightened. The tears I tried to hold back fell on the linen.

‘Necromancer… so I’m just a walking corpse?’ Tova said, standing. ‘I’ll take my leave.’

My gaze followed him until the door closed. The click of the latch released everything I was holding back. The pillow smothered my breath as I pressed it against my mouth, then screamed and screamed until my lungs burned and black dots swam in my vision.

Then I curled up on the bed, too exhausted to care anymore.

It will pass, my Sanika. Come to me. Let me soothe your soul. Cinared’s voice filled my mind. His gentle coaxing left me feeling even worse.

I need to feel this pain, Cin. I did this. Tova is suffering because of my actions. Cin answered with a wave of anger. It faded quickly when I curled into a tighter ball. Cinared was silent after that, but a moment later Reynard burst into the room with such force the door handle chipped the granite wall.

‘Cin said you’re awake.’ He looked at my puffy, red-rimmed eyes and pale cheeks. Before I knew it, he’d lifted me up onto his lap.

‘What are you doing?’ I snapped because his tenderness threatened to unmake me.

‘Holding you, loving you. I don’t know what that insolent dwarf told you, but his memory loss will pass. Then he can apologise for being an arse.’ Rey brushed my hair away from my face. ‘Until then, I’m here. You don’t have to be strong with me, Viper. Even the heroes of old couldn’t have carried such a burden without breaking.’

‘I’m not breaking…’ I started, but the tears were already falling.

‘Yes, you are, or you will. Your king commands it.’ Rey bent and kissed my eyelid, then the other. ‘Give me the honour of being with you in that moment. Tell me what happened. I can carry your pain, and if I’m not enough, we have a dragon.’

A deep rumble rattled the windows. Love, pure and warm, poured into me, wrapping my heart in the unmistakable protection of fire.

There was no point in fighting it anymore. Sooner or later, Rey would find out anyway.

‘You’re arses, both of you.’

I told him everything. From the encounter with Vodnik and his daughters, to the imprisonment in Niersen’s castle, to the recruitment of Siras.

I faltered, frightened of revealing my sins. Rey stayed silent, instead banding his arms around me and waiting. My breath shuddered in my chest as I told him about Tova, about breaking the one rule forbidden even to the gods, and forcing my friend to live again.

‘I’ve killed and threatened people, and used my vivamancy to corrupt someone’s life. I did it all to save us… him, but I lost Tova anyway. I’m not sure who returned from the Veil, but the spark, his essence, is missing. He doesn’t even remember me. And he doesn’t want to live.’