Page 74 of Steele

“If he was still here, I’d be divorced and getting the same amount of support I’m offering her.”

“What about the life insurance policy?” He focused on the game again and cursed under his breath. “The refs suck,” he said in disgust.

I smiled and took a bite of my burger. I missed this, easy conversation, not treating me like I’d cry with the mention of Jeff or Matti. Ryan couldn’t know why, but I’d changed since meeting Brett. I was stronger knowing I had him to help keep me together.

“Where were we?” Ryan asked, focusing on me again.

“The insurance policy. I’m not willing to give a cent to Astrid. The policy clearly states his beneficiaries are Matti and our future children.” I sipped my soda. “The policy doesn’t say his heirs, but ours. I can fight her on it, but my lawyer isn’t confident. I’m tired of it all, and I don’t want to fight her anymore. I’m offering Astrid half of the policy, but the money has to be in trust until the little girl turns thirty. However, withdrawals can be taken early as long as the money is used for her daughter’s education.”

I’d still have half the money, and that was more than enough to protect Matti’s memory. Maybe it would only make sense to me, but that was Matti’s money, too.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do.” He dipped a fry into ketchup. “You need to do what feels right.”

“None of this feels right. But I don’t want to live like this anymore.” I couldn’t live with mental images of Astrid and Jeff together.

Ryan focused on the game again. I glanced over my shoulder. The Eminence University Rooks were playing. My brother had graduated from EU, still hung out with his fraternity brothers, and never missed a home game.

“I didn’t think anything could keep you from a game. Why aren’t you there?” I popped a fry into my mouth.

A low growl rolled from his chest, and a smile played at his lips as he stole a fry from my plate. “Because I wanted to have lunch with my sister.”

“Ha. Ha. You have lunch with me every Sunday.” Most Sundays, and it was technically dinner, but Mom usually had the meal on the table by early afternoon. I’d missed last week. A long shower with Brett had led to soaking my sheets one more time. Then we’d been hungry. For the first time, he’d made me a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, and we’d eaten in bed. That turned into more of everything. I think we’d both grown tired of the early morning exits. Instead of him sneaking out before first light, for the entire day, we’d hidden away in my bedroom—and gone through a box of condoms.

Ryan’s brow lifted. “Not every Sunday.”

I couldn’t keep the smile from my lips, but the last thing I needed was for my observant brother to ask questions about how I’d been spending my nights. But he still narrowed his gaze at me. “What?” I asked.

“You’re hiding something.”

“I’m not. I was busy.”

“Mom lives for Sundays. You shouldn’t miss.”

“Seriously? It was one time.”

He held up two fingers. “Twice this month. Both times you claimed you weren’t feeling well. You know that’s going to make Mom worry. Once she starts thinking the worst and then Pops worries about her.” He leaned against the back of the booth. “She’ll be relieved to see you’re fine. Do you want to ride out together tomorrow?”

“I don’t know if I’m going tomorrow either.” That was a lie. Brett and I had already staked claim on tomorrow. A repeat of last week. Plus, he had court Monday. I desperately wanted to believe he’d prove to the judge that he wasn’t a threat to Natalie or Lili, and once he did, he’d have visitation again. Lili came first, and he planned to ask the court for extra time with her to make up for his missed visitations.

There wouldn’t be another Sunday for us for a while.

“You’re going.” There was a determined edge to his voice.

“I can’t right now.” I picked up a fry and twirled it in ketchup.

He stilled, and the smile fell from his mouth. “Jaymi, what’s going on? Something’s up with you.” His voice lowered. “I know this shit with the lawsuit is stressful.”

“I’ve made peace with it.”

“Then what’s wrong? You don’t just blow off Sundays.”

Of course, he’d assume something was wrong. Since Matti died, my only solace had been my family. My only light out of the darkness. But now I had Brett. “There’s nothing wrong. Just because I’ve agreed to settle with Astrid doesn’t mean it hasn’t taken up a lot of my time. Sundays are when I can catch up on my lesson plans for the week.”

The excuses kept slipping from my lips. I’d continue to lie to keep him far from the truth. If he discovered I was hooking up with a Heller, he’d think I’d spiraled again. Spiraled. The buzzword Holly and my family had used for the way I’d dealt with my grief.

I mentally laughed. Ryan would think I’d spiraled because of Brett, a guy who oozed trouble, and Holly thought I’d finally started to crawl out of the dark hole that had been my life because of a bad boy, tattooed Heller.

I just knew how I felt. I wanted Brett next to me. With him in bed with me every night, I hadn’t experienced the tentacles of anxiety digging into me. I slept so good. So good I forgot to fear falling asleep, knowing when I woke the nightmare always started again. Because I woke with his arms around me.