Page 55 of Steele

She crossed to the bed and sat next to me. After a moment, she said, “I’m sorry.” She lowered her voice. “I hate seeing you like this. It scares me.”

“I know. I promise, I’m not planning on doing something stupid. It just hurts. When I’m with him, I forget to be miserable. I’m afraid to be that woman. I’m not ready to not be miserable.”

She kissed my cheek. “Okay. I’ll be right back. You still need to eat.”

Once Holly brought the bowls of mac and cheese with bacon up, she turned on the TV in the corner. We snuggled into my bed and binged a couple episodes on Netflix.

“I’m going to clean up downstairs before I take off.”

“Do you work tonight?”

“No. I have a date with Tyce.”

“Tyce? I don’t think you’ve mentioned him.”

“He’s the guy I’ve been dating over Facetime. Why am I terrified? I mean, he’s just a guy, right?”

My brow lifted.

“It doesn’t matter that he’s got the best dick I’ve ever seen in my life, and he gives the best oral. I’m not talking about going down. Just his voice gets me off.” She pulled her phone out of her back pocket. “I snapped a picture while we were talking.”

“I don’t want to see his dick.” I leaned over to see her screen.

She laughed. “Yes, you do, but I’m not going to show it to you. I promised him the nudes stay private.” She pulled up a photo of a guy who looked to be in his late thirties with dark hair and facial hair that accented the sharp angles of his face.

Tyce was attractive, but not for me. I couldn’t help comparing him to Jeff. Older, but the same. He had a handsome face and fit body. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Muscles sculpted his abdominals and his hand rested on his chest.

He wasn’t Brett. No tattoos. No scars. No mischievous smile that promised indecent thoughts. Yet he’d charmed Holly so that said a lot about his game.

“Just be careful.”

“I know.” She stared at his image then turned toward me. “I like him. What’s wrong with me? I’ve never been this down bad for a guy.”

Apparently, the same thing that was wrong with me. I couldn’t stop thinking about Brett, either. I leaned into her. “Thank you for coming over. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“Just don’t go dark on me again. Okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” Fine for me was steeping in my grief. Fine was keeping to my routine because fine wasn’t what I felt for Brett.

Steele

Fuck. I’d pushed too hard, wanted too much, too fast. I wasn’t surprised she’d passed on coming back to the MC on Saturday, but I hadn’t heard from her Sunday either. I thought I’d hear from her on Monday. She’d see Lili and maybe, just maybe, she’d reach out.

But, nah, after more than a week of no contact, I accepted that she’d bounced. I’d fucked up. Hundred percent. I had to admit, I felt like shit about it. First the pressure to come to the MC, then the situation with Clover, the condom breaking, and groping her in public when she dropped me off at my bike. All my fuck ups.

Last week, I’d ridden over to the clinic and had a full screening done. The morning-after pill would ease her mind about pregnancy, but I wasn’t going to have her worried about STD’s. I’d always gloved up with Clover, but I guess I never really thought or cared about the men in her bed. Another shit move on my part. I should’ve better protected Jaymi.

And I bought some bigger fucking condoms although I doubted I’d need them anytime soon.

“Hey.” Stormy slid onto a stool. The chapel was quiet for a Monday night. Romeo put me on the bar schedule. I wouldn’t make a lot of tips tonight, but at least, I wasn’t staring at white walls wondering what to do with myself.

Still, this sucked. I missed Lili. I hadn’t made contact, and I was sure Nat was the reason she hadn’t reached out to me. Tomorrow, I had an appointment with the family law attorney. It was going to wipe out a good portion of my savings to fight the restraining order. I was already a couple grand into the divorce attorney.

I’d taken Jaymi’s advice—I missed her—and I went through my text message histories and printed them out for the attorney. The messages with Lili were short, but they proved I’d stepped up since the separation.

I refocused on Stormy. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“I wanted to talk to you.” She glanced around us. “Privately.”