Page 115 of Steele

“Shut the fuck up,” Noose hollered at her. “Another dead Heller makes me hard.”

She quieted and curled into the corner of the couch.

“We’re not going to kill him,” Kodiak said. “But he’s only begun to hurt.”

“He still might die,” Dizzy said and laughed.

“The Brunos are looking for you,” I mumbled. “You can’t run far enough.”

“We’ll see.”

I couldn’t lift my head with the pressure in my skull. My eyes slid closed. Blood dripped from my mouth. My left side had gone numb, yet it hurt like a bitch to take a breath. Blood trickled from the wound at my ribs. I couldn’t tell how deep, or if I was fucking bleeding out. Fuck. I didn’t want to die like this.

Noose stood at the fireplace, and with an unlit cigarette between his lips, he took out his dick and pissed on my cut. Jester handed him a bottle of lighter fluid. He soaked my colors. With a final glance at me, he struck a match, lit his cigarette, and then tossed the flame into the fireplace. A hot puff of air blasted into the room. My cut and everything it represented went up in flames.

Noose squatted in front of me. A deranged twist of his mouth told me I’d better learn to like pain. He drew a long inhale off the cigarette. The lip glowed red. As he exhaled, he pressed the glowing tip into my chest.

My jaw clenched, and my body jerked. Fuck. Ah shit. This was going to get ugly. Time to embrace the suck as Jazzy would say.

It didn’t take long for the blackness to encroach. My vision narrowed and my mind numbed. Pain mellowed into a dull throb as my body was pummeled.

I thought of Jaymi. I wish I could’ve told her I loved her one more time. I hated that she was going to raise our baby alone. I was sorry she’d have to bury another person she loved. At least, I died knowing she loved me. She was scared but we would’ve figured it out. I wouldn’t have let her go.

Lili had her mom and Henri, but time would dull her memories of me. One day, she’d forget me.

Someone cried. Kodiak pulled a gun. Fuck, here’s where it all ended, at the hands of my best friend and my former club. You win, Karma. You finally fucked me over.

Chapter Seventeen

Jaymi

On Sunday, I’d stood at the sink with my mom and listened to her tsk with worry. I guess I wasn’t very good at hiding my misery. I lied when I’d told her there was nothing wrong. I was just a little tired from working too much.

I’d lied more than I’d told the truth. I’d lied when I’d said Brett couldn’t make it because he had Lili. But this wasn’t Brett’s weekend. When he’d dropped her off on Friday night, Natalie’s week had officially started. I sort of thought he’d come over Saturday night. He hadn’t.

Even though I’d been the one to ask for space, I missed him. I’d contemplated sending him a text but couldn’t bring myself to type the words I wanted to say.

I’m sorry.

I made a mistake.

And the one that kept me from saying anything. Don’t leave me.

My bed was cold and lonely without him. And not just because I missed sex. I missed his scent. I missed how he made me feel when he spooned around me during the night. I missed the weight of his body on mine. And I missed the way he made me feel. Not broken. More than a grieving mother.

The silence of the house seemed to swallow me whole. The old tendrils of fear had begun to uncoil in my chest. I curled into the corner of the couch and nibbled on a sleeve of saltines.

My phone pinged, and my heart hiccupped.

Holly: You’re starting to piss me off.

I squashed the disappointment that it wasn’t Brett. I still smiled at the text message. I’d heard those words a thousand times.

Jaymi: Feeling is mutual.

And she’d heard my response. I wasn’t surprised my phone immediately vibrated with an incoming call.

“Hi.” I braced for the bitching.