Page 21 of Own

We get through the bathroom pretty quickly before moving to the kitchen. I plop Scarlett up on the counter, and she hands me the porcelain tea set I found a few years ago at an estate sale.

Marveling over it, she asks me very seriously, “Could we have a proper tea date with these? Abuela would join us too. We can make dainty sandwiches and cookies and mini cakes and dress up like princesses!”

Smiling at her enthusiasm, I nod and catch Cato staring at us. It’s possessive and kind of unhinged. Like we’re the only girls in his world.

That look stays in my mind long after we’ve finished packing and returned to his home…my home now too, I guess. I still don’t know how I feel about this. Everything is moving at lightning speed, and my mind can’t catch up and settle on what’s right for me. I’ve never had someone care enough about me to be concerned for my safety, let alone actively make sure no harm comes to me.

It feels foreign. How do I trust it? Too easily, it can all be ripped away, and then I’ll be left with nothing.

“Hester!” Scarlett calls to me as I enter the house, waving a book. “Will you read this to me?” She runs down the hallway, nearly skidding to a stop in front of me.

Panic constricts my chest, not because of Scarlett, but because so much is happening at once. Too much needs to be done, and I have no clue what I’m doing.

“Uhm, ex-ex-excuse me.” Swerving around Scarlett, I race for the bathroom down the hall and lock myself in, sliding down the door to my butt. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I bury my head in the small space between my knees and chest and focus on breathing.

Chest tightness, followed by my roiling stomach, makes me dizzy and nauseous. Focusing on breathing is the only thing that stops me from coming undone.

Shame waylays me as I realize how abruptly I ran from Scarlett, quickly followed by the familiarity of not being good enough for this family. My feelings for Cato and the kids aside, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel worthy of the kind of love and acceptance it takes to be part of something more than myself. That sounds selfish, but I swear it’s not. It’s fear. Unrelenting, dreaded fear that I’m not good enough or I’ll screw up and ruin them.

“Hester.” Cato’s soft voice from behind the door nearly brings me to tears. That man seems to know and understand me a million times more than anyone ever has. “Please open the door.”

Sniffling, I scoot forward and unlock the door. I’ve barely moved my hand before Cato enters and closes the door with a firm snick.

“Talk to me, kitten, tell me what’s going on?” I get the distinct feeling he’s not usually this gentle with anyone but his kids, and he’s trying hard not to demand everything I’m hiding.

Sitting behind me, he wraps his arms and legs around me, pressing his head to the back of mine. Offering support I didn’t realize I’d needed for so long.

“I’m so l-l-lost.” Whispering the words I’ve kept inside for so long feels like a dam breaking, and a huge sob erupts, clenching my chest and closing my throat as I attempt to catch my breath.

“Then it’s a good thing I’ve found you, pretty girl.” His lips press softly to my head, like he’s making a vow. Brushing my thick hair away from my face and sifting his fingers through the curls, he tilts my head back and whispers against my lips, “Let me be your true north. I will always have you, Hester.”

Turning into his arms, I bury my face in his chest, hating the emotional roller coaster I’m on, but craving his presence and wanting to believe him. “H-h-hard to t-t-t-trust.” I mutter half of what I want to say, knowing he’ll understand.

“Life is hard without being able to trust the people who care for you. And I know there’s no amount of promises I can make for you to believe, so let me show you that I’m the one person in the world you can count on, pretty girl.” My head bobs up and down without much thought. “Good girl, now let’s get back out there because, kitten, Daddy needs you tonight, and I get the feeling you need me just as much.”

Wiping tears away, I sit back and get lost in his melting chocolate orbs. “Yes, Daddy.”

CHAPTER 13

Cato

Thankfully, my men followed instructions well and stored most of Hester’s things in the garage until she’s ready to sort through them and decide what she wants to keep. We put anything of daily use in our room, along with her reading chair and bookshelves, because I know how much she values those.

After we came out of the bathroom, Hester went in search of Scarlett to apologize and read her the book she wanted her to. My daughter is a fucking gem, though; she just hugged Hester immediately and told her we all need a good cry sometimes. They laughed, accepted cookies and milk from Ma, and went up to Scarlett’s room to dive into the book.

Once dinner was ready, everyone ate together, and I think it was the loudest the house has been in years. It was a real family affair.

Nate asked Hester to play a game of chess with him, and she did so with Scarlett quietly reading the same book they’d read earlier, now with Hester’s guidance on words she didn’t know. It was a sight I can’t wait to replicate.

“You did good, mijo. She’s going to be a beautiful madre to my nietos, and hopefully another bebé will come soon.” Winking as my jaw drops, Ma walks off with a satisfied smile.

More kids? I never thought I’d see the day I contemplated the option, but with Hester…? Hell yeah, I want our DNA creating life. Multiple times.

Fuck.

As many times as her body will let me.

Jesus, I can’t get it out of my head now. The desire to keep her in bed warps into this deep-seated need not only to breed her but to track her cycle so I know the best time to get it done.