Page 89 of My Fixation

The smile on her face falters the instant she sees me. I don’t stop, don’t acknowledge the room. My attention locks onto Jaxon. He’s sitting rigidly in one of the oversized chairs. Hands clasped together. Jaw muscles visibly flexing. I close the distance between us. Stopping directly in front of him.

“We need to talk.” The words come out harder than I intended. “Now.”

Silence settles over the room. Everyone waiting to see what happens next. I don’t care. The operation is over. Manny is no longer a threat. The only thing that matters now is the man sitting in front of me. And making damn sure he never throws himself in front of another bullet again.

Jaxon rises from the chair. The movement is smooth and deliberate. I have exactly two options. Stand my ground and let him force me backward. Or take the step myself. I choose the step. Very few people can make me give ground. Either way, we’re suddenly standing nose to nose. Neither of us is willing to look away.

“You want to do this now?” His voice is low. Far calmer than mine. “Right here in front of everyone?” He glances briefly around the room before looking back at me. “Fine.” His jaw tightens. “Your choice.”

Jaxon grips my shoulder and turns me toward my family. The movement isn’t forceful, but it’s decisive. I let him do it. A minute ago, he wanted the conversation to end. Now he’s taking control of it.

“You want to know why I did what I did, Conor?” His voice carries through the room. Jaxon sweeps a hand toward everyone gathered in the living room. “Well, take a good look.”

“Look at them.” Jaxon takes a slow breath. His hand falls back to his side. “Your family.” The words hang in the air. I don’t understand. I glance back at him. His eyes remain fixed on the room. As though he’s trying to make me see something that’s been standing in front of me all along. The silence stretches.

“You have someone waiting for you to come home.” Jaxon’s voice is quieter now. The anger that burned so brightly a moment ago is gone. “You have people who love you.” His gaze sweeps across the room. “To care whether you walk through that door.”

He lets out a slow breath. The fight leaves his shoulders. When he looks back at me, his eyes shine.

“Did you really expect me to let you give all that up?” The question hangs between us. “Conor…” My name catches in his throat. “You have something precious in your life.”

His eyes flick toward Mom. Then back to me.

“Hell…” A humorless laugh escapes him. “You’re precious.”

He swallows hard. For a second, I think he’s finished. Then he keeps going.

“No one is waiting for me.” The words are so quiet I almost don’t hear them. “No one would have noticed if I didn’t come home.”

A muscle in my jaw jumps. The room remains perfectly still.

“So yeah.” He shrugs once, the movement small. “I made sure you were covered. Because losing me might hurt you for a while.” Another swallow. “But losing you…” His voice breaks. “…would destroy all of them.”

The knot in my chest is twisting tighter. Because somewhere in the back of my mind, I know he’s wrong. I just don’t have the words to explain why.

“Everyone out. Now.” Mom’s voice cuts through the silence.

She’s not loud or angry. Just absolute. No one hesitates. Years of conditioning take over. Chairs scrape across the hardwood floor. Even Liam, who looks like he wants to say something, wisely keeps his mouth shut. An entire room full of men who command companies, negotiate billion-dollar deals, and stare down mob bosses without blinking with one sentence from Mom, they scatter.

“We’ll walk through things later.” She looks briefly toward all of them. “Goodnight, everyone.”

The room empties with surprising speed. Within seconds, the front door opens and closes several times. The sound of engines starting drifts through the windows. Then silence returns. I remain where I am, with Jaxon standing only a step away.

Mom is still here. I register that fact distantly. My attention remains fixed on Jaxon. On the words he just spoke. No one is waiting for me. The sentence keeps replaying in my head. Over and over. Like a splinter I can’t reach. Because somewhere deep down, I know he’s wrong. I just don’t know how to convince him of it.

Chapter 43

Jaxon

The surprise on my face must be obvious. Mrs. Murphy steps in front of me before I can say anything and rests a gentle hand on my forearm. The simple touch steals what little breath I have left. I lower my gaze to her.

This tiny woman somehow commands a room full of men who fear nothing. All of them listen when she speaks. Not because they have to, but because they want to. I find myself wondering what it would have been like to grow up with a mother like her. To know there was someone waiting after every bad day. Someone who celebrated your victories and mourned your losses. Someone who loved you simply because you existed.

The money has nothing to do with it. Take away the mansion. The billion-dollar company. Take it all away, and she would still be exactly who she is. The center of this family. The place they all know they can return to. The safe harbor they measure everything else against.

A strange ache settles in my chest. It’s not jealousy. It’s grief. Grief for something I never had and never even realized I was missing until I walked into this house. Her thumb brushes once across my forearm. The gesture is small and motherly. It nearly undoes me.

Because in all my twenty-seven years, I can’t remember anyone touching me with nothing but affection.