Page 47 of My Fixation

The panic is there in full force now. “What if he knows where they live? What if—” His voice breaks off as his breathing turns into short, uneven pants.

“Jaxon.” He doesn’t hear me. He’s already spiraling through every terrible possibility his mind can create.

“This is my fault,” he whispers. “I brought this to all of you.”

His gaze drops to our joined hands. For a moment, his thumb brushes across my knuckles. The touch is so small it almost hurts. Then he squeezes my hand gently before carefully untangling our fingers. The loss of contact feels immediate.

“I can’t, Conor.” He shifts farther back into the window seat, putting space between us. My chest tightens.

“Jaxon—”

“I can’t stay here.” His voice cracks. “I can’t bring any of this down on you or your family.” He shakes his head.

“Your mom has been nothing but kind to me. Ronan and Colton helped me when they didn’t have to. Ollie…” His voice catches completely. “I won’t be the reason something happens to him.”

The panic is gone now. Replaced by something far more dangerous. Resolve.

The kind that tells me he’s already made a decision. The kind that tells me he’s preparing to leave. And suddenly I understand something that should have been obvious from the beginning. Jaxon isn’t afraid for himself. He’s terrified of becoming a threat to the people he cares about.

“Nothing is going to happen to any of us,” I keep my voice calm, even though my pulse is pounding. “And nothing is going to happen to you either, for that matter.”

I reach for his hands again. Wanting to ground him. Wanting to make him look at me. But Jaxon pulls away before I can touch him. The movement is small. Gentle, even. It still hits me like a punch to the chest, and I freeze.

Something twists deep inside me. Something unfamiliar. Uncomfortable. I know anger. I know fear. I know protectiveness so intense it borders on violence. But this? This is different. Because for the first time since I brought him home, Jaxon is actively putting distance between us.

And I have no idea what to do with that or with whatever this feeling is inside of me. This stubborn, self-sacrificing man decided that protecting me was more important than staying with me. Somehow that hurts even more.

I need him to understand. Need him to see that there is no version of this where he walks away to protect me, or my family. Especially not if it means putting himself in danger instead.

“Jaxon, I told you I would help you,” I keep my voice steady. Careful. “That means keeping you safe.”

Every instinct I have is screaming at me to reach for him again. To pull him into my arms. To hold him there until he understands that he’s not leaving. That he’s not facing any of this alone. But I don’t move, because he already pulled away once, and the last thing he needs right now is to feel trapped.

So I stay exactly where I am. Even though every fiber of my being aches to touch him. To reassure myself that he’s still here. Mom was right. Being gentle with Jaxon isn’t natural for me. It’s a choice. One I have to keep making over and over again.

My instincts aren’t soft. They’re possessive. Protective. Relentless. I want to claim him. Keep him. Stand between him and every ugly thing this world has ever thrown at him.

But for the first time in my life, wanting something isn’t enough. Because this isn’t about what I need. It’s about what he needs. And if I want a future with him, I have to learn the difference.

He gives a small shake of his head. “These guys aren’t people to fuck around with, Conor.” There’s more life in his voice now. Fear has finally given way to frustration.

“Even if Henry is acting on his own, he still has connections. He still has people willing to do what he says.” His eyes lock onto mine. “You don’t understand what these people are capable of.”

“Let them come.” The growl leaves me before I can stop it. Jaxon’s eyes widen, but I don’t care. Because all I can think about is that text message. About the fear on his face. About the months Henry spent exploiting him, using him. Breaking him down piece by piece.

Something dark and vicious stirs inside me. The same thing that has always surfaced whenever someone threatens the people I care about.

“Conor—”

“No.” I force myself to take a breath before continuing. My voice is lower now. Steadier. “Henry already made this my problem the second he hurt you.”

I want to tell him everything. About my family. About what we really do. About why Henry Deluga and a handful of hired thugs aren’t keeping me up at night.

But the look on Jaxon’s face stops me. He’s already overwhelmed. Already trying to figure out how to protect everyone from a threat he believes is his responsibility. Dropping the truth about my family on him right now wouldn’t help. It would only give him one more thing to worry about.

No.

Jaxon isn’t ready for that conversation yet. What he is ready for is seeing that he isn’t alone. That every person in this family would stand beside him if it came down to it. I pull my phone from my pocket and open the family chat. My thumbs move quickly.