Page 97 of Crossing Arizona

With a stuttering breath, his pupils blow wide as he crushes his lips to mine. Thrusting forward, he enters me sharply, and I cry out into his mouth. It’s so fucking painful, my hole stretching around his girth, splitting me open.

I need more.

Wrapping my legs around him, I plunge my tongue down his throat as he starts to pound into me. Tears prick my eyes, and my dick leaks between us, the counter rattling with the force of his thrusts.

“God,” he whines, burying his face into my neck to suck on my skin. “You’re so tight… I can’t… missed you so much. Need you to feel me.”

My eyes roll back, the ache in my ass radiating into my balls, down my legs, that familiar pressure building inside of me with each snap of his hips. Matty growls when my nails gouge his back, the sound absolutely feral as he loses control. He hits a spot inside of me that sets my whole body ablaze, pain and pleasure colliding into one amalgamation of sweat, blood, and tears.

It’s all the years I spent wanting him. All the months alone wishing the one person I love could love me back. Weeks, days, down to the last nano-second of Matty and Xed, two best friends who will never be anything more or anything less.

Reaching between us, he wraps his hand around my cock to jerk me roughly, sending me over the edge. I come on a shout, the tears finally spilling over as my cum soaks his hand. When I clench around him, he follows close behind, sinking inside so deep and hard that I’ll probably never be the same.

And I don’t want to be.

“Fuck." He moans in my ear, thrusting through the orgasm as he spills his release, marking me in a way nobody else ever could. Sobs wrack his frame as he cries into my trembling shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Ducky.”

I’d started slipping off the counter, but he holds me up, and I rub my shaking fingers into his skin, feeling like my entire existence was just rearranged—along with my internal organs.

Through the orgasmic bliss, I can feel how badly I probably fucked up. It hurts everywhere. But I can’t bring myself to regret it. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m fine, Matty.”

He only cries harder, tightening himself around me as his cock slips from my wrecked hole, making me wince. “I destroy everyone I love.”

Shit.

Tilting his face up, I kiss him fervently, licking the salt from his lips. “No, you don’t. I told you that I wanted this. I wanted you to let go.”

“Please tell me we’re okay,” he begs, blinking wet lashes that frame his bloodshot eyes. “Tell me I didn’t ruin us forever.”

My mouth opens, but no words come out, speaking now beyond me. All I can do is stare at him, communicating silently.

Tell me you love me like I love you.

I don’t know how.

Please tell me what we are to each other.

I can’t.

Tearing my gaze away, I let my legs fall from around his waist. He chokes out a sob and tries to reach for me, but I shake my head, swallowing hard.

Out of everything that’s happened between us, all the ways he’s hurt me, this feels so much worse.

Why can’t he just admit what we are to each other, what we’ve always been? I can’t spend my entire life waiting for him to figure it out. I’ve wasted years on Lover’s Lane only to wind up at a Dead End.

Time to exit the ride before it crashes and burns.

Needing space, I scoot back as far as I can on the counter as I run my shaking fingers down my face. After a few moments to collect myself, I finally meet the devastation in his gaze. Fight fire with fire. “I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”

The words slice through my throat on the way out, drawing blood, but they need to be said.

Matty’s lips part, air leaving his lungs in one breath as those blue eyes I love so much widen with confusion.

“W-what? I don’t…what are you saying, Xed?”

“Exactly what I just said.” Licking my lips, I cover my junk self-consciously like his cum isn’t currently leaking out of my ass. “I can’t do this with you anymore. It fucking hurts, Matthew. The guessing, the hoping. Getting you in private but hiding in public. I don’t deserve this.”

“I…” He coughs, his throat closing like it always does when he starts to panic. “What about Hannah?”