Page 92 of Crossing Arizona

Cutting him off, I pick up my phone quickly. “I have to get up early for work, I’m going back to bed.”

“Xed, wait,” he says desperately, wide blue eyes gazing back at me, but I’ve had enough. I’m not ready for this yet. Looking at him hurts.

“Goodnight, Matthew.”

Ending the call quickly, I toss my phone at the wall before curling in on myself, automatically itching at the scars on my arms. That familiar pressure pulsates in my head, building and building until I dig my nails into my skin to get it to stop. I hear my phone buzz but I ignore it, biting my tongue as hard as I can without breaking skin.

I won’t do it. I won’t.

I can’t. If I ever want to see Hannah again, I will not hurt myself.

Hours go by as I rock myself, body strung tighter than a bowstring, sweat soaking through my clothes.

Eventually, it subsides. The chills dissipate, the ringing in my ears fades as blood rushes to my limbs. I can finally breathe. Only when I can move without feeling nauseous do I lean down to grab my phone, blinking through tears as I read what Matty sent me.

And then I throw up on the floor.

Sasquatch:

I only went to Valerie that night because I got turned on when you kissed me. Every single time I’ve gone to her has been because I was feeling things for you and didn’t understand. It’s always been you, Ducky.

Sasquatch:

We had another hearing today and Val didn’t show. The lawyer says it looks better for us, but I was worried about Hannah. She’s fine, though, Jenna checked.

Just thought you’d want to know because this is important.

Sasquatch:

Today was hard…she tried to bring up you and I in court. Luckily, the judge wouldn’t let her, but I’m worried about it getting out. My agent says he’ll try to keep it from the media.

I’m scared.

Sasquatch:

Did you get my message yesterday?

Hello?

Haven’t heard from you in three weeks since the video call. I hope you’re okay.

Please talk to me.

Sasquatch:

If it wasn’t for Salem giving me vague updates over the last month, I’d think the worst. You promised not to shut me out, Xed, and yet you’re doing it.

I love you. I’m sorry.

Ducky:

She’s dying.

Sasquatch:

I’m on my way.

Chapter thirty-seven